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wooow! that was REALLY exciting!!!
GREAT CHAPTER STRUCTURE!!! heart



ok, the lines under this are just some sporadic thoughts that are appliable to the writing... counting that this is not my natural language and I might have missundertood a thing or two.

At the end of the second paragraph, when Misty describes herslef, I think [I DO think] she does it a little too lightly, I mean, I would like a deeper-more dramatic description of her physical features, taking the reality to subrealism.
In the next paragraph, I need to feel more identified with the organization, I like it the way it is now but it would be great if it were more inviting, inspiring, cause as the author you may know everything that being part of it means but don't forget to express it.
I love the weapons you included in the story but it would be even better if you could describe the shapes and materials that they're made of.
I think you're like counting on the reader to guess all the information that you're not giving and that COULD be vitally important for creating the atmosphere you want to involve the reader in, I guess clearer guidelines would be good.



as I said, the chapter structure is more than perfect! I'm just unable to resist to read chapter 2 now! blaugh
you're a very talented writer ;D

domokun Took the words right out of my mouth (only probably stated it better than I would have) I love the story, but a little more description here and there would be great nice job enyhow! domokun

wow awesome i liked it a lot eek

wow...that was even better than the prologue...as expected. again, i loved it and cant wait to read the next chapter.