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I must give out some thanks and credit. Hannah, thank you so much for the dramatic help in my dream avi. It's almost finished, I'm going to get the gold to do the rest, but you have given me a great boost. And the right mindset to want to complete it. It's ben about a year since I made that one, so it's good to go back and remember it.
THANKS.♥
BUNCHES.♥
And to a sweet namless friend, they know who they are. Without you, I don't think I would laugh as hard as I do today. We have limited time together, and everytime we talk I end up treasuring it. I don't think I could live without your logic, it makes perfect sense in every aspect of life. I shall mourn the day you leave, for it will be hard not seeing your smiling face in the mornings at school. Hard to believe I'm welling up about this, but you mean so much to me. More than you'll ever know. Don't slap too many people without me, and try not to make anymore 'memories' without me. :]
I LOVE YOU.♥
FROM COOL WHIP TO PEPPERJACK.♥
And the last, the most important one to me ever. He's my favourite, as I've often told him. He's my complete reality, as well as my dreams. Everything in my life. We're still young, and these words so strong, but there is no other way to describe it. When I first met you, I thought, "Oh, great." But I've gotten to know you, and I've grown to love you intirely. I've been in pieces, you've helped me pick them up and make me whole again. I'm undone, and you zip me back up. I don't think I would be able to live life without knowing you. Somewhere, there is a damaged heart waiting to be fixed. You've fixed that heart the best you could. You've kept it warm, safe, close, loved. It appreciates it. Unfortuantely, it doesn't think it can return that same gratitude to you right now. It has some things to sort through first. Which is why when you said, "You know you can talk to me." and, "I want to be there. I want to always be there."
....I collapsed. Nobody has ever said something so meaningful to me. Which is why I must stop myself from finishing this now. If I finish, I'm going to be hurt inside, it would be too much to live with. I just keep letting these tears fall, they won't stop. I can't make them either. I think they're falling because I'm letting go? Of what, I can't think of. I just am. This is not an end, or a beginning. It's a little bit of a break in the road. I'm building the bridge though.
I want this as a reminder:
"Well then, you'd better plan on being in my life a very long time"
"Only if you want me to."
"I want you in it. Forever."
I really did mean that. I wouldn't have said it otherwise.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU'LL KNOW.♥
AND ALWAYS WILL.♥
Those last two people, yea- they've pretty much made me whole. Not the reason for my existence itself, but the reason I love getting up in the morning. The reason I am who I am today. My life has gotten pretty complicated, all at once, and they've gotten me through it. Even if all I did was smile and say, "Good morning!" while giving you a hug. The saying is true, "There's so many people you can fool by smiling." It's true. A smile is a smile, but a fake one has been on my face for a while.
There's a lot of strong words in this, and some of you may feel it's akward and amazing for a 14-year-old girl to write them. True thoughts and feelings always find a way out. And I've poured certain ones out. I felt this was needed, not only have I felt better inside and out, but I feel like some inner pieces have also softened. They're feeling better.
And now, I must go. I'm not sure where, if anywhere at all. Even if it's only to bed, it's somewhere. I'm searching deep into this, thought-wise. Emotion-wise, I don't feel it could go any deeper. If those last two happen to stumble upon this, don't worry about me. I'm a very prevailing person. In the short time I've lived, I've been dragged through the mud enough. I know that you'll just have to get up, let the mud dry and harden, then slowly; inch my inch, chisel it away until it's all gone.
Until then, I'll continue to try looking up. And I look forward to seeing you both in person very soon. These pieces could use a well deserved hug. And something to plasterize them together for a while.
 nangal · Tue Aug 12, 2008 @ 09:10am · 0 Comments |
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