lately I've been feeling kinda weird around my friends and on gaia. I mean it's like no one really cares, I'm use to that though. but now that I think about it, it's probably not them, it's probably me. I know I'm sounding selfish (as usual) but I can be annoying and not the person anyone wants to talk to so yea I can understand why ppl avoid me. or am I just forcing myself to think that? uuuuhhhhhgggg! I just don't know anymore, I'm slowly losing myself! I mean my whole life has been screw-ups and its just f***ed up but it's the most normal loooking lifestyle and s**t! No matter where or when though (getting to the selfish part again) I've never been the complete focus of anyone (and this is why I'm so selfish)! I mean it's so bad to the point that I'm learning to acknowledge it and deal with it. it's f***ing life!! and god, I hate it!! and the worst part is I always fall in love with the wrong ppl. like my friend tryee on gaia, I told him, he apoligized and stuff but all these little f***ing negatives in my life just lead to a bigger negative. I mean tryee and I are still really good friends but not long after he decides to tell me he loves another girl (yes tyree I'm telling 'our' story)
and you kno at first it kinda bothers me then it gets worse then I get over it. boom! it's done my heart is officially 100% destroyed. and after that (by my own fault) I get him to tell me they're going out. I meam I'm happy for him/them and now it doesn't bother me at all. now I just gotta get through f***ing school!! so wat I'm trying to say is don't let these things get to you cause they can and will do damage in the long run. well I just needed to get that out of my system. bye guys. ttyl.
(btw I have a dog, I bought him and everything, but my mom's the whole world to him. go figure blaugh )
and I'll be editing this entry from time to time so yea
 thinmint94 · Mon Sep 01, 2008 @ 09:31pm · 0 Comments |
