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Ugh. Let's watch the roller coaster that is the last two days of my life fluctuate up and down, shall we? Sunday night, Shadow came home and as he says "all was well in the kingdom once more" XD After everyone went to sleep, he gave me the most amazing sex I'd ever had, which means he outdid himself because every time we've ******** it was way better than the other guy I slept with. So, things were good. I got up the next morning and played with Sophia and she was happy....until around 1030 when I started getting dressed and she started freaking out because she knows 9 times out of ten when Mommy changes clothes, she's leaving. So, Shadow and Bryana and Phantom had all stayed home and so I woke Shadow up to watch Sophi while I was gone. My legs were hurting and my back was aching, reminding me of the amazing sex from the night before, but I was OK. I was still optimistic and I had a really good feeling about my interview. So, I go in, and Kenny, the manager, sort of looks like the TV production teacher Mr. Kearney at Chamberlain so I'm like "cool. I shouldn't have a problem with this guy because he looks like Kearney and Kearney and I got along great." So, apparently he's computer-challenged and can't look up my online application so he does the same thing Eliza did when she interviewed me which was read me questions from someone else's resume. Everything was going perfect until "The thing is, I'm already overstaffed, but you can keep calling every week to see if something's available because people at this store fluctuate a lot" After overstaffed, I swear the rest of his words blurred together, but I was still able to process them. I tried so hard not to cry and I didn't....until I got home and Shadow asked me how it went. Why did I cry? Because I REALLY want a job. I'm tired of not having anything to do except clean the house and lounge around. It sounds fun, but it's not. I need a reason to wake up in the morning, or at all, aside from Sophia and Shadow. I feel worthless, because I can't help provide for my daughter and because everyone thinks I'm not trying and I don't want a job. They can think what they want, but I know it's not true. I WANT A JOB. However, with the way things are going, I'm not going to get one. I haven't even heard back from the resteraunt I've applied to. I'm seriously considering walking up to Chamberlain because there's a Citco, a pizza place, a Metro PCS store, a launderay mat, a discount food shoppe and a few other stores up there and at least one of them HAS to have an opening, right? Anyway, I'd been up since 724 and just had a major disappointment, so what did I do?? Turn to the internet, of course. Only problem with that was, Zuki and a few other people were online, and they all asked me how the interview went. PLus, my grandmother called to brag about having a washer now and I had to tell her how it went. Later, Shadow and I got into an argument because, even though I had been cleaning for the better part of the day and had been on my feet for a while, I still got up and made him ramen because he's stubborn and wasn't gonna leave me alone until I did. Mind you, this was around 6 pm that evening and I hadn't had a nap all day and I've usually had at least 2 by that time. So, I went qahead and fixed ramen for both of us because there was 3 packs left and he usually only eats two and because of this major reason: I make ramen at least 6 days a week for other people, but only make it for myself once or twice a week. I also got him a drink and did dishes before and after making the food so, as you can imagine, all I wanted to do was sleep. However, Sophia didn't want to sleep, herself, so naturally Mommy wasn't allowed to sleep either. All this child did for 3 hours was scream and cry and throwe a fit. I finally had to pick up her, her brand new and third plastic toy cell phone {she's not even one yet and has had almost as many phones as I had in the 3 years that I did have a cell phone} , my Tinker Bell blanket that she's stolen because we left her fleece blanket at my grandmother's, the Hannah Montannah microphone that only sings one verse of Nobody's Perfect every time you hit the button {It also lights up in three colors, which is why Sophi claims it even though Mima bought it for Brooke}, and her bottle and lay on the couch with her and all her stuff. Within about ten minutes, she was asleep and didn't complain when I transferred her over to her crib. Finally Kitten gets to sleep, right? Wrong. I plop down on Shadow's couch after again arguing abnout the whole ramen thing- and you know that b*****d still hasn't thanked me for that- and he was not going to let me sleep on his couch. He layed over me, hovering, trying to get me to move and when I refused, he pulled me off of the couch. So, I layed there on the floor using his backpack as a pillow because I was done. I'd had enough. I just wanted this day to be over already, but it wasn't. So, tears are running down my face for about the 5th time that day {That's right I'm a big emotional baby. Bite my a**} and Shadow invites me to lay on the couch with him. He didn't want me laying on it by myself, but it was OK if we layed together, according to him. So, I cozy up next to him and everything is fine and I'm finally relaxing. However, whenever I get close to sleep, Shadow wakes me up by kissing me, which would not have been a problem if I wasn't so tired. I buried my face in between his chest and the pillow and again, am almost asleep when he nudges me and wants me to let him up. I said no and clung to him because he's warm and comfortable but I ended up letting him up anyway because I was too tired to argue. Again, Mommy is almost asleep when.,..not Sophi. Bradley. Bradley an Mima come in with groceries and Mima keeps telling me what she bought for the baby. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't snap about how much I didn't care and how much I wanted to sleep. What now? My bladder intervenes and what do I discover in the bathroom? I started my cycle in the jeans that Scott McNeal signed and I hadn't been wearing any underwear because I lost track of the weeks and forgot I was supposed to start this week. So, now they have to be treated. stressed {And for those of you reading this who don't like the fact that I have been mentioning my sex life and my period, suck my ******** d**k because it's my god damn journal and I can write about whatever the ******** I want.} I pretty much gave up on sleep and watched the rest of the first season of The Club-To-Death Angel Dokuro-chan, which made me happy because it's a really funny and random series. Ugh. It's only 1230 by now but it feels like 3 am. I finally fell asleep after Shadow tucked me in and the last thing I remember was him petting my hair. I know he woke me up this morning before he went to school, but I don't remember whether or not he kissed me good-bye like he usually does. I was actually up before him this morning and helped Mima get the kids up and out the door, but I crashed at 721 and I'm supposed to wake him up at 730. sweatdrop Sophia woike me up this morning and threw up on my neck. I put her back in her crib and took a shower while listening to her yell at me from the other room. I don't think I got back to sleep but I did lay down until 11 something. That's when I started typing. 1130ish.....It's now 1230 XD
Sudoku Kitten · Tue Oct 21, 2008 @ 05:30pm · 0 Comments |
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