And once again, I find myself mulling over pointless crap.
Stuff that's out of my control. Some things that I can easily change, but am too much of an a** to do anything about it.
What?
Why all the self putting down or-whatever-you-call-it??
To be completely honest, I don't know
I'm just in a crap mood
I don't feel like chatting to anyone in particular online, and yet, I want company. Stupid isn't it? Well that's just how my brain works
And quite frankly, I'm okay with that
For now
Until I find myself going completely psychotic and wanting to rip my brain or heart out
Whatever state my mind is in at the moment
And yes. This is pointless crap
And no. I'm not emo
Contrary to popular belief, might I add.
Geez
Might as well get on with what's triggered this mood
Besides the fact that most of it is probably for no reason
It's my friend. Well, I wouldn't just say friend
Term best friend helps a little more. Maybe. I don't know
I suck at ranking things
Anyway
She's leaving
At the end of this year
******** stock market is to blame
Fine.
I'll try stop the swearing
No. Not for you
For me
Because if I swear all the time, it doesn't sound like me
Especially with the pissy tone to add to it
Anyway
I knew last term
Just a little over a month ago
Maybe closer to two
But it's only hit me now
The fact that she won't be here next year
When I walk into form each morning
To go, "OMFG! It's Mr. Samurai-kun!!" and do something completely random, that'll make me laugh and retort with something witty
School only finishes in just under a week now
After that, we'll probably have only the Twilight movie and Wai-con to see each other again before school starts again, and I go into that routine of mine where I procrastinate and do nothing with outside of school friends
And I just hate myself for that
I had the two best buddies in primary school
They both went to the same school, and I had to go to the one I'm going to now
I remember after graduation
God. I thought I told myself I'd try see them
Even now, we've had a few failed attempts to catch up
Now I barely even talk to them. And it's just so depressing
I don't want to drift away from her like I did with them
The sad thing is, I probably won't be arsed to do something about it, with her living so far away and all
It'd take some real organising. Something in which I LOATHE
So yeah.
She hasn't announced it to the form yet
Don't know when she will
She obviously doesn't want to
She didn't even want to tell me in the first place
That was until I got extremely annoying and pesky
And a huge pain in the a**
God. I can just see myself trying to wipe away tears when she announces
I can see HER wiping away tears. Or something
She really doesn't want to go. Really really
But she doesn't have a choice
She's smart
Maybe I can get her to get her parents to apply for the scholarship in year 11
That would be awesome, getting her back
Though I can still see it's highly unlikely
I'm really worried about all the other friends I have through her
She was a connecting for me to so many people, I hope I don't just stop talking to them just because she's not around anymore
Someone else too. Another girl is leaving our form
I'm not as good friends with her in the sense that I don't talk or hang out with her as much as the next person, but we did get a lot of time to ourselves last year
So we have this small invisible bond
And I'm just gonna miss her witty remarks, half of them not even making sense
Her random sayings, and how she contributes to the drama within the group and form during the most random times
Geez
I hate this
But I'm not suicidal
I'm just going through a rough time right now
I might get a little edgy at times, but it's not anyone else's fault but mine
And the ******** economy's
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moving over to marshmallow stars
if anyone cares
> n>;;;
add me?