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the year is over one of my worst, so i figured i'd tell you what i learned. love. loss. anger. lonlyness. trust. betrayal. faith. existance. life.
trust, you cant trust anyone no matter what, when you trust people it just leads to pain, and you end up a sad cinder thrown to the wind alone, i want to have faith in people, but then you can't even trust your own blood to help you to care then what the F*** is the point!?!!? grrrr and even now i am not even telling a hundredth of it because...i dont trust any of you either.
lonleness, it hurts, like i cant breath under cold water, to be so alone seventeen and never have i had a friend of real worth, never had a friend at all, i fell like crying because of it. but i dont cry, so...it just hurts i guess i sound like an idiot...but anyway its true my own sister wants me dead, my brother dosent care either way,my mom is the only one who cares but that dosent help it should too.... but...i duno i always feel like she only cares because she's my mom like she obligated to
anger. it burns like a unquenching fire, churns in you untill it unleashes itsellf and the longer you keep it in the tighter and farther it pulls back like a ruber band. anger is like a fire you must be carefull with it because if you arent you might burn someone you care for, anger its evil, thats what i believe.
love, don't trust love its blind, you can't learn a thing from love but betrayal i have only ever experenced platonic love, love for my family, love fo th friend i thought i had, but they like everything die, and i doubt i ever will be loved no one cares.
loss, i dont care who you are what you do no matter where you come from, don't you dare lose yoursellf i've done it, it is madening like being on meth but you don't need a drug, i wont lose mysellf again no mater what they offer me even if it is love and understanding, i wont change i wont let mysellf fall away for anyone cause if they did care, they wouldent ask.
advice to the reader of this, don't believe in anyone, because they will betray you, and the more you trust them the harder the impact will be, and if its someone you realy care for, they'll shater you to bits when they do, not if WHEN i've seen it too many times first hand to fall for my stupid little hopes.
faith, i am alone no silly little god will help me either, i know that i try to help mysellf and what dose he do ehh? he's a mean little boy with a magnafying glass over a ant hill, and he jut landed on me when i tried to help mysellf and run. you get the idea, faith is for people who are willingt o give it. sorry but...thats how i feel personaly. i admire people who still have faith though.
the world is a screwed up place so upside down it should all be destroyed, good people are kicked aside cause theyre open enough that they get burned, while evil sadistic monsters are fine, there are sluts, and basters *literaly not insult* living in shacks because they had bad child hoods, heartless people, living heartless lives, and going through the motions pretending to exist in they're little hole, but they'll fade
existance. i dont exist...that kills me, but i dont and when i die, there will be no shiny light for me, so i will remain nothing forever i... i am the darkness as the dawn rises i faded into vauge memory, but untill the next night i am forever gone,only its like when i go...there wont be another night. not for me, i....i will end.
LifesSacredGuard · Thu Jan 01, 2009 @ 12:07pm · 0 Comments |
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