so i lied. yea i woke statving but not before i starrted havign an emo moment. true enough i can't stand it when people cut themselves to "feel" but i thought it. no i didn't. just thought it. so why would i think it? i didn't think i knew.
school. friends. family. emotions. drugs. alcohol. all sources of stress.
music. writing. nature. photography. sleep. all supposed to relieve stress.
days come and go. i used to find comfort in the day. now all i find is hate in it. the blood red sun rising over the marsh every morn. yea i find alot of comfort in that.
friends have come and gone. some refuse to talk to me. i don't hate them for it. yea i mope for a few days and then i just keep moving. i can't remember some of their faces without looking at a picture. it's odd how many i've let go in the past and yet i never did let go of a few.
drugs. alcohol. yes i've done both. the drugs gave me a sense of freedom. a false sense of freedom. i'm not like others. i didn't get hooked. i've been clean for almost three years. the alcohol tasted sweet, bitter, a friend to replace the ones who left. i didn't become relient on that either. i walked away from them easily enough but i still think about it once and a while.
what i found peace in, i walked away from. i couldn't stand watching form the sides and told the coach farewell. i walked away adn regreted it immedately. the tears kept coming and wouldn't stop.
so what is this? my way of confessing i guess. everything i refuse to show if i can help it. why? it's just the way i've become used to. but really, i was sitting in the bathtub a few night ago and just had a breakdown. tears and all. so i go back and start over.
 Island Tomboy · Sun Feb 01, 2009 @ 01:37am · 1 Comments |
