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Philosophy and Definitions |
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To state things as simply as I know how, I have a lot of things happening in a lot of different areas of my life right now, so I'll probably be pretty scarce.
I'm trying to figure out what it really means to be me. Sounds like a simple enough question, doesn't it? It's something I think most people struggle with at some point or another, sometimes multiple times in their lives.
Closely linked to the questions "who am I?" and "what makes me me?" are the questions "why am I doing what I'm doing?", "what makes me happy?", and "what do I want out of this life?" I think it makes some sense to let what I truly want determine the direction of my life, instead of having the circumstances in my life determine everything I want. I can be pretty stubborn about certain things, so change can come pretty slowly with me, but I can see that there are so many opportunities to learn, to change, to grow if I just open myself to them.
A thousand cliches spring to mind, but I don't believe the truth has to be hard to find. I feel that I need to let myself be free to accept it. If I let go of all my fears, all my expectations, all my attachments to the opinions and feelings of others, there'll be nothing binding me, and there'll be nothing to keep me from being completely free.
I feel that I've let myself fall into a state of semi-misery for a while, and I've been in this condition long enough that I've become comfortable in it, that I've bound myself so tightly by clinging really hard to my expectations and images of things I think I want, instead of just letting them be what they truly are, that I just don't let myself be free to be truly happy again. It doesn't sound rational to be happy only when you're unhappy, does it? But it feels so easy, so comfortable, no wonder it sounds so familiar.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that simply said There's nothing wrong with you. I don't know what the original intent behind it was, but it sounds like such a simple truth. You are you. I am me. No one else can be you or I, and nobody can know you as well as you can, and nobody can know me as well as I can know myself. What's "best" for one person may not be "best" for another person, and nobody can truly know what's "best" for me but me. On the other side of the same coin, nobody can tell me there's anything "wrong" with me. I decide what's good for me; I decide what I want; I decide what I do. All the rest are expectations, fears, judgments other people or things try to place on me. I have only to choose the way I want to live.
I want to test the idea that my mind is the size I make it. I want to push beyond the comfort, familiarity, and illusion of security and open my mind to things I've never thought of before, things I've never experienced before, and see how I change, how I grow, and who I become in each moment, for my own sake.
Silver Angel · Sun Mar 22, 2009 @ 08:04pm · 0 Comments |
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