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read kaoru's journal, and kenshin's comment, and was somewhat inspired.
i've never had the experience of having a loved one pass away, which people may consider lucky. but sooner or later i will, and it'll be ..interesting to see how i react in comparison to other people..
my brother was in a car accident..three years ago, in the states. he survived with - miraculously- only a few minor scars. the others in the car weren't so fortunate... a friend of his flew out the window and was killed on impact.
for over a year my brother went through a period of shock, denial, depression...and he was silent. so very silent.. which was a much different silence than his normal cool and calm.
i watched.. still pretty young at the time, i couldn't - and probably still can't - understand what suffering he was going through. and so i just watched, helpless, while he struggled internally.
in the end, like anyone else who i've seen death touch the lives of, he recovered, accepted the fact that death was just a part of life, and grew to be a stronger and wiser person..
so that's where most of my ideas about death have come from. 3nodding
and..as for my own death..
unlike kaoru, i have been suicidal .. but few would ever imagine it. confused i wonder why. do i give an impression of being strong? hmm. either way, i've become stronger since last year, which was when i had ..thoughts..
but anyways. death.. to me it seems very far from now. of course there have been times when i've been on the verge of death (not when suicidal), but those times - the times when my life was in the most danger - ..it's funny: death wouldn't even cross my mind. just.. pain or shock, i guess, depending on the situation.
so i guess you could say that.. death doesn't scare me. i dont think it ever has. later in life, that might change, but as of yet, i dont remember trying to hide away from the idea of death.
a flower blooms and withers and is returned to the earth where not long afterwards another organism comes to life. the sun rises..and sets.. and rises again at the beginning of another day. perhaps people fear the ..finality.. of death. but in my mind it's only a cycle, and that i'm not afraid of because there will be something after death.. even nothing is something..
i wonder if anybody understood that. surprised
 bluquu · Sat Nov 20, 2004 @ 01:13pm · 11 Comments |
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