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i ******** up...worse than any other time i've ever ******** up.
life just gave me the worst wake-up call ever...
she doesn't believe me...yet she has the right not to...
i feel empty, fake, lifeless, hated, untrustworthy, etc.
if only things had been different...then maybe my life would be a lot better...
to Samantha; i know you hate me, more than anyone could ever possibly hate some one else. i was blind, and it apparently hasn't changed...i wish this last moment with you makes you see my true love for you...yet i doubt you'd give me another chance...i would give up everything to prove to you that i still love you as much as ever...even more perhaps...i know i ******** up our relationship numerous times in the past, and you're sick and tired of listening to me beg like a fool, and you think jon loves you WAY more than i do, but you're wrong...i love you Samantha, but i think it'd be best if you stay with jon....forget everything about our past...i hurt you one too many times...and if i get jumped because of you; i'll take it...it's what i deserve.
i know this seems a bit long, but i mean every word of it. Honest. and i swear on my life that i'll never love anyone else...ever. i see now that i have no purpose in this world without you, so i bid u adeu, and i hope that you can see that my love for you is the only thing keeping me from killing myself...
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