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yeah...i'm bored so i shall rant. about what? ...do you really need to ask?
My role in society ish a hopeless romantic. With that, I've always wanted to fall in love. Now, at age 16, i believe i have...with Kurama. It ish strange, i know, falling for an anime character. But i dont care. Even though i am made fun of at school, i dont care what they think. I love him and that's all there ish to it. Reasons why are somewhat still unknown to me. There are so many good qualities and aspects of him that i love. There ish no one reason why i love him, there are many. Kurama ish an anime character and i have to deal with the negativities of that fact. Some include that i can never actually talk to him or see him in person. Or that i can never hold him in my arms and tell him how much i love him... But there are some good things about it. Not that i'd prefer him being an anime character; i'd rather he was real and that i could see him on a daily basis. But an advantage i guess i could say ish that he could never hurt me. With all the real people in the world, most of which i've met are total jerks. Though i currently have a boyfriend that i love too, i dont love him as much as i do Kurama. He understands that though i sometimes feel bad about it. He loves me and yet and i cant bring myself to love him equally. I put Kurama first before him. My heart still rests with Kurama and for a very long time, it will remain there. I dont think my love for him will diminish, it's just too strong.
I am in love with Kurama and i'm not lying about that. Since i like to write, mostly all i write ish about him. My stories are my way of showing my love for Kurama and living out what i want so desperately. i can fulfill my dreams through my own stories. and yet i read them over and over and over again and still get the same feelings. okay, true story. i'm writing this piece for another story i'm currently writing with a friend. (we take our own characters and we put them together in the story and see how they react, i.e. voidan: careful when you read this. it may be kinda a spoiler) and my character, Teku, ish together with Kurama. they had 2 children, Hiei and Serenity. Well, Teku dies and Kurama ish left with only this two children and older Hiei (he lives with them because he secretly loves Teku) well, on one night, it's late at night and Hiei and Serenity come running into the bedroom that Kurama and Teku shared. Hiei's off somewhere and not in the house. Only Kurama ish inside, mourning the death of his loved one. anyway, the two children run inside, crying. they just had a nightmare and they usually run to their mother, Teku, for comfort. well, they run around the house and can't find her. they run to Kurama and ask him "Where's mommy?! Where is she?" and Kurama responds, "Mommy's gone...she wont be coming back." then the children say that they miss her and cry even more. they hug Kurama and cry on him. Kurama in turn, starts to cry and says, "I know! I miss her too." they cry together all night. the point of that story, i didn't get to it. when writing that piece, i started to cry myself. if you see the paper i was writing on, u'll see there's water wrinkles on it. i cried on the paper and u can see it. i felt how much pain Kurama was in and i cried for him. loving someone can do that to you.
One last thing, my character Teku. As i have stated before, i write a lot. And i have my own character which ish named Teku. I created her as a reflection of myself, only COMPLETELY different. We are different in so many ways but we are similar in one, we both love Kurama to the fullest. the only thing ish, she's able to see him and live with him while i'm writing her doing so. In a way, i'm somewhat jealous of this character that i have created myself. She can live out the dreams i put on paper for her. She can live out what i want so bad. But i will not hold a grudge against her. Afterall, i can make her do whatever i want. But to me, she ish real. Teku ish a real girl with real feelings. it's the same with everyone else who has created a character of their own. Their own special character ish real to them. to me, seeing her happily living with Kurama makes me happy too. At least someone ish. but, in the original YYH, Teku does not exist. she ish just in the stories that i create, fanfictions if you will. sigh...wishful thinking.
I have rambled on long enough and you must be sick of reading all this crap. Thanx for reading it though. i had to get all this off my chest and what better way to do with than putting it up on a journal and share with with others. ^_^
yeah...i'm done
Minamino Teku · Wed Jan 04, 2006 @ 04:26am · 2 Comments |
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