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I have noticed that I have made people cry more than they have laughed.
I have hurt a lot of people over the years and I feel really bad about it. But they need to understand that i dont mean it its just that i dont think before i speak and words come out that are sometimes mean or hurtful and i dont realize it.
Most of my family thinks theres something wrong with me so Ive been to Couselours, Psyciatrists,and even A mental Health place and they always ask me the same question....," Why do you have the urge to be mean to poeple." I always say the same thing,"Its part of who i am."
Then they put me on these pills and say i have some stupid disorder that i know i dont have. God ahs always said everything happens for a reason,but what is my reason? If anyone could tell me that it would answer millions of questions.People wonder why i cry myself to sleep every night,why i feel unwanted,why I hate talking about myself.....well the answer is there isnt one....If someone could stop the tears that come from my bloodshot eyes I'd be happy....Everyone expects me to be perfect and be the best i can be and all that other s**t everyone says but the truth is i wont ever be that way so they should stop trying.
I hate being missuderstood and taken as a meanful person cause its not who i really am I think from my point of view im not some stupid brat who loves to curse at people....I love to talk and it helps me from crying.....my sister said this about me," Shes one of the niccest people you will ever meet and shes really cool but she will cut you into pieces with youre words." Thats makes me seem like a girl that is soo swet but she will kill you in the middle of the night...its just great!
I have always let people down,been last picked,last wanted,last loved and no one ever really likes me..
I hate life right now....Its really hard living with the thought that you want to die and not being afraid of it....One of my biggest fears is living forever and i always say," I'd rather live than live forever." I dont want to live forever and i hope i dont beacuse my life will be really sucky if i do and i obviously dont want that....
People dont think i can sing but when they hear me sing for-real not like a joke or anything they say I never thought you had it in you....but i love to sing and i sing everywhere...i think its cause its a stresss reliever and it helps me relax.....
I also love drawing with chalk on the concrete...its so much fun....I love it cause you can write whatever you want and the rain will wash it away....
peple never have understood me or they thing the wrong things about me and then they automatically dont like me and i think its ******** up that they do that.....cause like i could be really weird but still have a great personality....
well now im just talking randdomly.....i guess this is legit to how i was feeling...