(crying inside)
six years ago i dated a guy named matt, and it felt like i really loved him since the guys before i didn't and i messed it up by not thinking right and hurt him... by going over to a friends house, a guys house where we hung out and did nothing dirty or anything that was considered cheating. but the people around me told him in exaggeration that i cheated on him. so everything ended, he apparently cried which made me cry harder than ever before. he truly felt like my soulmate
sophomore year we meet again after i had been waiting for him to come to the high school. the one day after a couple weeks of myself pushing him down so deep i had forgotten everything is the day he was there saying hellow, remember me. i was so confused. he started to leave for class like everyone around us. they didn't matter i was curious about this person i recognized. he was matt. just like i remember him. after that he began to hang out in our group of friends, kat and sandra (sounded like saundra), and a couple others that were my close friends at the time. and for a time it was good. he was always a good friend. but sandra and him were going out and she wanted to dump him but he didn't take a hint... i don't know why on both. and again after that he was out of my life. i still saw him at his new hang out. the place where the gang hangs out at. i was disappointed and pushed him down again into the depths of my heart and memory understanding that i will still see him rarely.
senior year, his little brother surprises me too by walking into my tai chi class. i ask zach to say hi for me... its no use. i give up. life goes on... i stole glances to see if he was there at the hang out. sometimes he was and sometimes he wasn't.
graduation day, the senior class was in the gym that is by the track where we will walk out to sit in rows of chair on either side of the podium that announes that we have graduated... we grab our diploma and then go home. in the gym i was waiting in line and i notice someone to my left and look to see matt looking at me. or looking for someone else. but i remember locked glances for a second as he walked away.
college. in college now i visited the high school october ninth. he had come in for his brother and we locked eyes again for a few split up moments. or so i think. i don't think he recognized me.
i sent a friend request to him on myspace the other day and he accepted which i thought he wouldn't cause i thought he would want nothing to do with me at all.
i wish to become good friends again. but it seems the pattern will only repeat with friends to not seeing each other at all to friends to only seeing each other rarely to not seeing each other to seeing each other rarely
what really sucks is that he was there. i could have chosen to make it something more. the opportunity was there and i let it disappear. there is no chance at all anymore.
 X sockmonkey_kat X · Tue Oct 20, 2009 @ 01:00am · 0 Comments |
