I got up and went to my computer. It was five o’clock in the morning and I couldn’t sleep anymore after that dream. I had slept nine hours and didn’t want to sleep anymore.
I got onto aim and clicked on my friend Gina’s username who was online. My username was: Xx_Amyxbear143_xX. And I hers was Pain_is_your_nightmare, this was our conversation on aim:
Pain_is_your_nightmare: hi, how are you?
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX: I had the dream again.
Pain_is_your_nightmare: I’m sorry...just don’t think about it, take some sleeping pills tomorrow nite, then you wont dream.
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX: I can’t, I don’t have any.
Pain_is_your_nightmare: Oh, ok, do you want to talk about your dream again? Or do you want me to get your mind off of it?
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX: No, I’m fine no worries…
Pain_is_your_nightmare: Do you honestly believe that?
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX: What do you mean?
Pain_is_your_nightmare: You’re not fine; you have had the same dreams of your parents dying and Eric dying for three months.
Pain_is_your_nightmare: You have tried to kill yourself over and over.
Pain_is_your_nightmare: Look at your arm. You’re not fine.
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX: I’m gonna go...
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX: I’ll talk to you another time.
Pain_is_your_nightmare: Don’t do anything! If you do…it will upset your aunt, and you know Matt likes you, he won’t be ok.
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX: go to bed, sleep well in your bed, I’m sorry.
Pain_is_your_nightmare: please Amy, I’m not going to bed until I know your ok.
Xx_Amyxbear143_xX has signed off at 5:34:05 am
I closed out of aim and turned off my computer. I sat down on my bed and stared at the wall, why wouldn’t she want me to do something? What’s the big deal if I die? My aunt doesn’t care, no one at school cares, and Matt doesn’t know me. So he couldn’t care. She was wrong. No one cares, except her, but she could deal if I died. It doesn’t matter that much.