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Dear die-ary.
It has been some time since i last really thought about something. Or rather, anything at all. So as this goes on, i will probably just cover random topics that i will not elaborate on, so people reading that do not know me will probably not know whats going on in the slightest of ways. But that is fine. Because this entrie is for me, not you, snooper person.
3/19/10
the first monday of spring break.
I'm not sure why it is called a break. Well, it might be for some, but not really for me. sure i can go on my electronic friends more often than before. but that is really all thats going on, and that will go on for the next week or two. while others are in mexico, Florida, or even the moon, looking down at the gloomy blue planet. i will be here, in this house, in this village, doing nothing important, or of any value. catching up on my drawing. cleaning some of father's games so he can sell them for a profit. reading manga. watching anime. or possibly, every so often, going out with a friend or two, doing nothing major. nothing really exiting. just like any other time really. trudging through the day until i can lay in my sanctuary peacefully at night and dream of all the exiting things i could do if i was elsewhere and as someone different. thinking of what life would be like if i hadn't done such things to people close, if i had not fought with her of whom i honestly do not care for, if he would be alive and well, if he had not tried to kill her and Danny. what would it be like, if she hadn't died, and i did not exist. if i died just like she did. if i grew up differently, in a different time, with a different personality. what if i never did this, what would i be doing now, if i had not decided on writing an entrie, and yes i realize that is the wrong spelling. i am not stupid. snooper person. what would happen if i asked him if i could have some of what he has. if i gave in and did not care anymore, even less than i do now. if i ran away. if i kill myself. or if someone came to rescue me on a white horse. i wonder so many things at night, accompanied by a daydream or two. thinking of conversations and confrontations i will never have with people i will never meet or even see. because of dimensional or time differences. or just a improbable meeting in general. what will happen when he gets out of jail and helps father and papa. will we really become rich? if we do, i will not turn into a disgusting, ghastly woman like Britany Spears or that little whore Miley Cirus, however you spell their names. If i had money and power. i would use it to tell people to not do stupid things. to not judge those who do not want to be judged, and if they do, to do it honestly, no need to sugar coat what someone needs to know. If i had money and power, i would do many things. and meet the people who are possible for me to meet. Oh well look now, I've started dreaming on the screen again. thats all that would be. a dream on a screen. no value here, never will be. this will probably stay as it is. no comment below from me in the future saying "It happened! it really happened!!!" or anything. probably not. but if so. anyone who i really care about will be getting a gift from me. and such and such and such. you need only wait until may. that is when he gets out of jail. and he starts helping father and papa. then it will be decided if you all can get the presents i speak (type) of. But again. That is all this will be. A fantastic, improbable dream, written on a screen, with the fingers of someone who, it seems, will never succeed. this entrie will still be here, in one-hundred years from now, on page three-million, on the website, Gaiaonline, as a lost memory and dream, as i sit in a cardboard box, alone, with a number on the side written "777" to prove that this is were the dreamers go. were the ones that had some sort of talent sleep at night. usually missing their shoes in the morning. At the end of this break at least i will have taught myself something. The place we dreamers go, is a cardboard box, the the numbers "777" written on the wall.
 XxblackxxheartsxX · Tue Mar 30, 2010 @ 01:51am · 0 Comments |
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