Back in February 2008 you wrote:
Quote:
Alicia is at her place and here i am waiting for the things to work out i will be a good father regardless what people will think or say to all that i hurt im sorry i guess this will settle me down having a wonderful family and a new start in the usa with Alicia and little link im so scared sometimes that i cant fix things that i break or lose i will do my best to support Alicia and our child in what way i can like any good person would do in my situation
Your deviations and failures since then have been many. The people who you are trying to help I don't believe are really your friends, and by focusing on them you are ignoring your own family and life. You struggle, but you don't tell me about it. You say you miss your friends in Australia, but when I ask, you tell me you don't have any real friends in Australia. You work so hard and are afraid it won't pay off for what? For your family? For you to get promoted? For a house? For a vacation? You don't even say what you are working toward. I'm sorry tech school was postponed until January, but at least you are still on the list.
You are in disagreement with yourself. You need to step back and decide what you want anymore. What are you working for? Not just in your job, but in your life. Without a goal you have nothing to hold on to.
I picture our family at the house in Shoreline. We have our cute little meal schedule with beef stroganoff, twice baked potatos, sloppy joes, pasta, and stir fry. You have your Tech job full time, and I finish school and get a teaching job. Link starts school, and maybe we have little Taea or Luke. But, it isn't about the things we have. I hope we have weekends and evenings off together. Time for vacations in the summer. Time for each other to go out together or to have friends over.
But we are waiting. And maybe you want something else. Maybe you want to go back to Australia and work on the rose farm like nothing ever happened. Maybe you want to be free to search for a new life or new options. Maybe you want to live in a fantasy world where you can show off and have fan girls instead of working on our real one where all you have is link and me.
I gave you the calling card to call your friends, and you don't use it. I told you I would support you in whatever job decision you make, and you didn't change anything. I asked you what was wrong and you wouldn't tell me. So you need to decide where you want to be, and then make a plan of how to get there; then you won't be running around in the dark and feeling like you are getting nowhere.