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Why does life have to be so scary?

Why, at 15, did I have to experience what I did? Life isn't fair. I didn't want to "love", if that's really what this is.. It feels like it.. My life is no longer what I had when I was young. I'm finally coming to realize this. And it's not fair. Not that I ever expected it to be. But I didn't expect it to just be thrust upon me so quickly... I'm an emotional mess. I want to quit the internet.

I would say I want to quit life, but that's a lie.. It'll pass.. everything will pass.. what's devastating and heartbreaking now will be a pile of laughs later on in life.. I wish i could fast-forward to my next heartbreaking experience. I want to be over you. I want to be over him. I want to be over everything.

You want the total, honest truth, loving journal of mine? I kind of DO want to give up. I want to go back to having no life all by myself. I want to go back to being 5, when boys were icky, "playing Bratz" was the highlight of my day, I could actually make friends, and I felt compelled to go outside and do something for ******** once. I hate what I've become.

I miss the day where I could sit on the swing, and have my dad push me. I could clear my mind of all worries (if you consider a scraped knee and a red card in class 'worries') and just listen to his singing. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you... Please don't take, my sunshine, away...

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