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Uh, dear me...
Okay, I'm listening to my cd 'Bounce', Right? Well, the the fourth song goes off and I hear a faint whisper:
Marie, they're coming for you
and The next song comes on! I've had my fair share of taunting spirts before, but this time it scared me!
Like one time, I was listening to 'One Wild Night,' and I restarted the song, paused it and pressed play and I heard:
"Hey, Rie!"
then the song started. I asked my mom or my brother if they called me and they shook their heads no. All due respect, but Im scared. crying You know, it's that kind of fear that sends shivers down your spine and keeps you awake at night.
And just recently, I've learned to actually go to sleep. I'm serious! I have a horrid fear of the dark, and of spiders, but most of all I fear death. I have horrid visions a lot of a lot of people dying, and I don't have pleasant dreams very often; most are nightmares of things in this world; murder, rape, abuse, crack addicts...it scares me, and I think, "why? Why is everything like this?" You know, I'm not trusted to often, but I don't lie when I say I can see some things that others can't, only I see them in my dreams. Sometimes, they're bizzare dreams, sometimes, they're dreams that could come true.
And you can ask my friends, Paije or Erica about the 'kaboom' incident.
I literally saw the fate of the light, and it blew up!
Scary, huh?
Another fear, is to hear someone tell me, 'I'm disappointed in you.'
Personally, that makes me feel like...I'm a breathing nothingness. I've had it happen before, and ever since then, I'm different. I try to do things so I don't hear those horrid four words again. And I've been known to have just breakdownsever since that incident.
My first breakdown though was in sixth grade, before the incident.
But I had a second one, and I couldn't handle that one, I had to go to someone for help. It was too much; several times I thought of silently killing myself, but after many second thoughts I stopped having those thoughts. But I'm still scared of that...it's why I can't sleep at night, I have my breakdowns, it's why I am who I am.
I try to smile all the time, but that's hard too.
Because Summer's coming, and I don't want to leave school...I don't want to leave to go anywhere, for any one...but the law over power's my independence.
I'm not sure, but thinking about leaving scares me so much it hurts...
I'm going back into the cage this summer...
...and the key will be thrown away...
 Isotop · Tue Mar 07, 2006 @ 11:23pm · 1 Comments |
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