So when I write these journals I realize nobody is able to read them.
Unless they're like searching for me. Which I seriously doubt. But thats ok. When I'm older I want to read what I was going through at the time haha.
Speaking of the past. Reading through all my older posts that I did on gaia when I was like 12 made me shudder in embarrassment. WTF was I thinking? I definitely was a immature and naive child. But, it did bring back really good memories that I wish I could relive. *sigh*
It seems like nowadays I'm not as happy as I used to be. Then again..I was twelve and I didn't have many things to worry about. Now....... stare urghhh NOW I have so much stress and problems to deal with. College, Work, Family, Social life etc.
AGAIN speaking of social life. I just recently (not really) ended a friendship with one of my long time close friends. All of it was my fault. But, you know. People make mistakes. Life goes on.
Even though I've moved on about the situation. I haven't been really able to express how I feel about the situation to anyone. Well, I have but only to my relatives and my really close friends. But, even though I tell them I still feel like they don't understand. And also because that would be "talkin' s**t" stare
I've really felt numb about the whole thing. I mean. I didn't cry. I just kind of went with it. I acted as if nothing was wrong and I didn't care that she wasn't my friend anymore. I didn't talk about her. I didn't instigate her like how she did to me. I just left it alone.
I'm not sure why I did it. It was just a natural reaction.
When I think about her. I get sad that she's not in my life anymore. We had so many good memories. And I trusted her with everything. I've apologized for the things I did many times. She even apologized to me but..I mean I still didn't want to be friends with her because I know she hasn't changed. She's still the bratty person she is. So full of herself. And now acting as if she is better then everyone.
One of my friends had her on facebook because they met once. While we were in the car I brought her up and immediately she was like "she talks crap all the time and thinks that she's the s**t. Shes not even cute. I deleted her" That's really saying something if a complete stranger thinks that way by just looking at your Facebook posts. So, I know when I say that she's selfish and bratty and conceded I'm not "talking s**t" I'm telling the truth.
:/ People change every day. I change and become a better person everyday (In my opinion) because I want to be a better person. I never ever want to be like her. EVER. What she put me through is unforgivable for the most part and to most people. But I can't hold a grudge and stay angry with her forever. I've already apologized and if she doesn't accept it. Then thats that.
Just thinking about what has happened this whole time infuriates me. *sigh* But people make mistakes. Life goes on. :3
Who knows maybe one day when she actually "grows up" we can be friends again and possibly build on it so it can become what it once was. But, until then. I don't need her negativity in my life.
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