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All I Ever Wanted"
I lie here alone and wonder why That I come alive, just before I have to hide.
[Pre Chorus] Because I believe I'm losing my nerve But could I ever do better than this
[Chorus] Because all I ever wanted was a place to call my home To shelter me when I am there and to miss me when I'm gone All I ever wanted was a place to call my own Where stars will dance and sun still shines and the storms feel free to roam
I listen if only for a while But I can't decide if I'm aware that I'm on trial
[Pre Chorus]
[2nd Chorus]
[Bridge] If there's a way to a remedy then lead me straight to it If there's a path or a door I missed , then show me now, show me this
[Chorus]
Feel free when I am gone Interesting..math...
You learn it. To me math is the equivilent of God. God is a bunch of rules, as is existence and everything stated in that string of theology...and math is a set of rules too. This happens because of that, this must be there for this to do that and so on....god, or religion to say, it just the same. I guess thats why I question math all the time. It's so random. Now religion makes sense in a living way, math makes sense in a necessity way. I am not even sure how that even makes sense, but in some weird way it does in this brain of mine.
I've been trying to improve on drawing people and just in general. I need to keep at it and keep learning new things. I'm getting closer and closer to my dreams and I've just got to make it. I wanna do the things that inspire me most. It'd be a dream come true for my visions to come to life in that way. I know I've gotta be better then my best too, if I even want to be considered. I'll keep plugging away. I know that I can do it if I keep working on it.
There are moments in your life where the ground beneath you crumbles. The branches of the trees become torn free, flying through the wind like the leaves in fall...everything is destructable. I try to live apart from the material things. I, in reality, own nothing, can save nothing and must accept the deterioration of things outside of my mind. Even that can become useless, and eventually will in the time of my death. Nothing lasts forever. Galaxies are born, stars formed...but in the end they too become unstable and deteriorate beneath or because of their own qualities or the things they encounter. Just like people eh? Seems everything is convicted of mortality, even the things that we may stand in awe of for thousands and thousands of years. I trust no one, believe in nothing until I can stand in it's midst and see for myself or feel it. Faith in itself I believe, is the essence of reality. You stand outside in the cold or warmth or whatever, look up in the sky and see flecks of light. Light....natural and omnipresent...they twinkle there for what seems an eternity and despite hundreds of years of observation and investigation...those most powerful and available gifts are a mystery to the common man. I look at them to remember that even though I am human, I am as much connected to the sky as those burning spheres. There is an eternity, at least in theory...and if that eternity is proven false I wonder how a God could possibly exist. If the ever expansion of space itself holds true....God is easily understandable in that matter...I find it funny that we spend so many millions of dollars in special effects for movies and the like....but I think it'd be cooler to spend that much money on looking at the stuff above us. (or feeding and helping poor people obviously) Like, I had a cheap telescope....I looked at the moon and I looked at Jupiter and this weird cluster of stars...I'm not even sure what it was called but it was beautiful. To see moons...like, real moons...outside and far from Earth...it's so beautiful and inspiring. I don't know why I like stars so much..space...I guess I am just fueled in a part of me by the things I barely understand. Nuclear bombs, lightning storms, eruptions of volcanoes, earthquakes...maybe it is the stuff that puts us in our place, is the most like God that I can really think of. We have NO control over those things...they humble us, remind us of our frailty and can bring out this bizzare inner connection....the same way God's wrath is famed to do. Oddly enough God uses these things as weapons....supposedly, but Nature and existence is God...humans thrive on humility. Didn't I just say math was God? Hey, well..thinking about that....I don't get math. I don't get stars (I try though) so....they walk hand in hand right? lol I don't get myself sometimes.
Fer a cool clip of the Nova pic in action from above, feel free to check this link out. Has it in a few short movies. http://chandra.harvard.edu/photo/2002/0052/more.html
We just had a nasty bit of a storm pass over our house today. I thought it was pretty neat that the ice in the clouds had big bolts of lightning to accompany them. I've never seen a stormy snow cloud...but the lightning made sense...and just to clarify...erm..yes this....
Quote: Lightning forms when updrafts of air carry water droplets, which have a charge, upward to heights where some freeze into ice and snow particles. They form a cloud. As these particles begin to fall back to Earth, charges within the cloud become mixed. The differences in charge are released as lightning.
makes perfect sense. Then again I already knew that..so....hurrah.
I like deterioration today. The theme, as depressing as it can be...is strangely elegant...so these Shinedown lyrics will exist here to add to this state of existence....
Welcome friends To seconds lost, and to starts that won't begin To twisted eyes that see inside Rules that always bend A simple task, a see-through mask That questions where and why We shared our skin to occupy, and keep our piece of mind
Bring only what you need to survive They burn an image from lines on my face They stole it from the pages that kept my place I stand on the outside, would die to get in I crawl inside just to begin again
It's so unfair This broken smile that keeps us all aware Of wishful thoughts, and scenes we lost And times we'll never share I'll ask you now to show me how To fill the circle in What tells us all? There is no fall, and the story never ends
Bring only what you need to survive They burn an image from lines on my face They stole it from the pages that kept my place I stand on the outside, would die to get in I crawl inside just to begin again
They never loved They never cared I wished you'd understand I'm already dead What would you be Why would you die How could you lie Take something from me (they burn an image) They took it from me (they burn an image) They took it from me (image) They stole it from me Image Image
They burn an image from lines on my face They stole it from the pages that kept my place I stand on the outside, would die to get in I crawl inside just to begin again They burn an image from lines on my face They stole it from the pages that kept my place I stand on the outside, would die to get in I crawl inside just to begin again
Stare in wonder, who's here to bring you down? Find your martyr, I'm sure you've made the crown So light a fire under my bones, so when I die for you, at least I'll die alone
Ain't nothing for me to end up like this There's no comparing me this time
All my heroes have now become ghosts Sold their sorrow to the ones who paid the most All my heroes are dead and gone But they're inside of me, they still live on
Dark devotion in a beacon paradise Shows no emotion to a willing sacrifice You can put a man on trial, but you can't make the guilty pay And you can cage an animal, but you can't take away the rage
Ain't nothing for me to end up like this There's no comparing me this time
All my heroes have now become ghosts Sold their sorrow to the ones who paid the most All my heroes are dead and gone But they're inside of me, they still live on
All my heroes have now become ghosts Sold their sorrow to the ones who paid the most All my heroes are dead and gone But they're inside of me, they still live on They're all dead and gone
Ooohhh...India's got lots of quakes...cooooool......http://earthquake.usgs.gov/eqcenter/recenteqsww/Quakes/quakes_big.php at least now....
It's so strange to fall from above clouds. It's so strange to hold air in your palms. It's so strange to see yourself drifting away. It's so strange to be better and worse for it. I am stronger for my suffering, braver for my cowardice, smarter for my stupidity. I know my value. I know myself. I can stand where I want to stand and be who I want to be. All I have to do is jump out and take it....take it and scream in the faces of anyone who will challenge my will. Despite everything I said above, I am in control, and I'm going to fricken take all that I want. If I wanna understand, I'll learn. I'm going to learn, and learn and live forever. In a way, all of us are immortal. We are immortal. We are all Gods in this sense. I am made from the stuff that is the stars. I am moving onwards. I am what God is. We all exist together, we all progress. There are powers out there we do not yet understand. Inside my head alone is the space, the untouched, the unknown. All of us are walking mysteries......
I think it's incredible that anyone could understand me, as un-understandable (yet so common!) person....Tyler does, or at least tries to.....the poor guy....he's been worn weary with school and sports and life. I just hope his body will recover quickly and sustain him for all the undertakings he's obligated to endure. If theres anyone I look up to literally and metaphorically, it is him.
I don't trust anyone really. My inner unknown is at stake with society..but I am willing to rip myself open and lay it out infront of him. Pick what you want, my dearest...or stomp all over it...either way..I'm yours.
I am vulnerable...so..so vulnerable....but it is the trust that one will not yield the powers of rejection against me that makes love so inspiring. A delicate balance, like a spiders web...built well but easily broken. Let's hope the spider tending to my web is skilled enough to keep it together. I need to exist, I need to be known.....so few will ever get the blessing....
the ache bites everything vital...sometimes my life stops, blinks in the light and feels only the shadows...I don't understand how a soul can feel so empty in the middle of intense heat....but I guess these dynamic forces are acceptible and necessary. I will not disgrace them with my shame. I am human..haha...a god human.....I am all powerful, but willingly...I am as powerless as the particle floating through space. I go where existence wills me to go...
Love is my existence....and truly, God is my wielder....take me somewhere beautiful......two stars floating in a sea of space....spinning around one another, consuming one another....
what the heck is up with me and stinkin' stars. I swear I came from...like.....oh wait..haha..I did....nevermind.....gaaahh, you all must absorb this....it's just so insane. whee this is eternity, right der. Look at it! If love has a body, this is it's physical existence...seen, felt, heard yet still unknown!
I miss and love you Tyler.....never forget it..... heart heart biggrin biggrin good luck with baseball! 3nodding heart heart rofl 4laugh
TheTyro · Sat Mar 11, 2006 @ 07:39am · 1 Comments |
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