~~~~~I sit here at my computer desk on this November afternoon. Wondering...why does life have such a bumpy road? Why do things seem to come so easy to others while I have to try hard just to get these things other people take for granted? There is alot of things going on right now. I just wish somehow, by a miracle, that it would all suddenly make sense.
~~~~~I wish I could go see..her...and live a happy life. I know it's not going to happen the way I see it. Which is why I have taken the necessary preparations for the worst to happen. It's definately possible. She could change her mind at any given moment. What does she see in me? Yes we have many months together but I'm not very enthusiastic and hyper anymore. I've matured somewhat. I know at least..a little more about life. If she does see to it that she waits for me and sits in agony as she gets pummeled by her bullies, I'll make it worthwhile. I'll make sure she doesn't regret waiting for me. Is it right to love someone I've never met this much?
~~~~~In school things are coming down on me faster than a flash flood. I've come to realise that I do have friends I can go to when i need help. I get alot of homework daily which I don't do. I've been told I have so much potential that I never use. By the time i get around to the truth, it will be too late. I pay too much attention to video games and online relationships that I don't have time to do what really matters, my future. I need to step it up but, I've never had so many drastic changes to my life incoming all at once.
~~~~~When I go home from wherever I'm at, the only comfort I have is the computer, and the people on it who help keep me sane. My sister is always the one constantly getting attention because she tries to disrupt the family when we're peacefull. I won't go into detail or say that my sister is the devil or anything but she does cause alot of trouble. My family doesn't get me at all. I have been secluding myself to this computer for years. As far back as when i first turned 13. They try and force me outside but I know what happens outside. So many bad influences. So many bad people in this town that wouldn't hesitate to put you down or chase you and kick you in the a**. I've tried. It didn't work. Hopefully in the future things will turn around. Hopefully..
~~~~~When I graduate this year I hope to be an artist. I look at other pictures and the drawings that people can just do naturally. Then I look at mine and see so many things wrong with them. I could just rip my hair out. I'm so discouraged to the point of giving up on drawing and art. I have 2 art classes in school which I attend daily. One for Pottery and one for drawing and 3D design. I enjoy them because the teacher puts on music that's soothing to the ears like creed or Shinedown. I'm still hoping to go to college for art. Hopefully everything goes fine this year and it all works out.
~~~~~I'm overweight. No girl would ever want to go out with someone as filthy as me. I still don't understand why my own gf still wants me. I've tried going on diets just to see all these calorie filled foods put in front of me. Going on a diet as a kid is something that is not impossible but it takes alot of work. Before I meet her, I hope to thin down at least a little bit.
~~~~~I'm viewed as a nice happy cheerfull person all around gaia and in real life. But mentally that is not the case. Inside I've been torn up ripped to shreds and thrown on the ground. Yet I still seem to find some happy things to look foward to. Such as my meeting my girlfriend for the first time, going to college, and making new friends. Someday I'll be happy all the time and not have to worry about the burdens of being a kid.
~~~~~For anyone reading this, the people that know me well and the people who barely know me at all I hope this gives you some insight on how life is going for me. Now as this November afternoon comes to an end I will go off into life and try to be happy. When you see me don't just see a happy person. See an insightful and smart person. Don't look down on me or feel bad for me. Just treat me like the average person.
steveboy109 Community Member 
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