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I had a discussion today with my father, about my AS. Now, keep in mind, darlings: He is, for the most part, convinced that psychology and psychiatry as a whole is a load of - for lack of a better word - bullshit. Meaningless. Depressed? Just get over it!
For a long time he's been quite firmly saying (rest assured, I'm not reading between nonexistent lines!) that he doesn't believe that depression, ADHD (what it was believed I had before my AS diagnosis), AS, and anything else of a similar nature even exists. He'll only believe in it's existence if there is physical evidence that can be apparently seen. That the difference in the physiology of the brain between an AS person and an NT person is apparent through a cat scan means nothing, he can't see that. Epilepsy he believes in because it causes seizures. Down's Syndrome he believes in because it causes marked differences in speech patterns, growth patterns, etc.
So I'm trying to explain to him that AS is the same - you can see the physical ramifications - again, for lack of a better word - if you know what to look for. That outcast mentality, being an outcast, not fitting in to social hierarchies... it's all obvious if you *know*.
But he refuses to be told. He won't listen. Now, after this discussion, he's finally starting to - but now he's ranting and raving about how we (my mother and I) haven't kept him in the loop. He asks me questions like, "Do you think I would judge you for it? Did you think I'd hate you or something?" Quite frankly, yes. I did. And believe me, not without reason. The way he talks about people with mental difficulties - no matter what kind. Either they're making it up, or they should be locked up because they're entirely nuts.
So which is it, dad? Should I be locked up because I'm insane, or did I invent all those problems at school? Were the bullies just a figment of my imagination? Were the cruel names only sick fantasies in which I'm the victim? Because I'm pretty damn sure they actually happened.
Anyway: I don't really know what to do now. See, he's told me that he was fighting against me getting 'labeled' because he thought it would benefit me. He actually said that he was the one who wanted to 'prove there's nothing wrong with {me}'. Well there *isn't* anything wrong - there's just something different. That doesn't make me insane. It makes me me.
Nay-rinn · Mon Mar 27, 2006 @ 05:08am · 0 Comments |
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