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I'm still trying to process that Saturday I cried. I spent an entire hour in that bathroom pouring my eyes and heart out into the darkness, trying to stay as silent as I could; not trying to disturb my aunt who was still awake.
Did I really break? Was that the point that everything I saw wrong finally turned back into my face? I've tried to spend this summer looking for my purpose. Ugh, that sounds way to clichéd...But it was the truth.
I can't help but regret all my screw-ups since 11th grade. The highest of high standards I set up for myself...that dream of going off to a university working at the school and just living the on campus college life. I ruined that, ruined it all. I'm not even sure what career to even turn to. I'm just stuck in this open field of nothing. What am I good at? What are my skills and talents? I don't even know.
Then there's the fact I seem to have this on-going battle with my own body. So much is wrong, nothing is right.
I just...I don't even know much of anything anymore...
 Udoli · Wed Jul 06, 2011 @ 08:08am · 0 Comments |
