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Scuze me for the weird title, I couldn't come up with anything interesting or even somewhat enlightening to add there. Aha, a strange week has passed me by! Tyler was sick as a......boy that gets sick can be! I tried my best to be of comfort to him, but the darling burned up anyways! What a fever he can get. Drives me insane! So yes, I tried to mother him as best I could, reminding him to drink water so his head wouldn't erupt into huge evil flames. As far as I know that situation was well avoided. It would have been interesting to see something like that though....I'm just afraid that his hottness would become a little too literal just then for a lowly little lady like me to handle. wink
I've got only another quarter to go with school. Life as a senior seems to be going rather smoothly. I expected insanity. I believe part of the easyness comes out of having been a junior counciler for my church camp. I had 40+ hours of comunity service taken care of like that, and my girls where a piece o' cake to handle because we made sure they all got along and weren't too competetive with one another, or snobby. I think it helps when you can make a fool of yourself for the amusement of others..kind of brings them into a relaxed state of being where no one will get hassled for being different. Anywhoo, I got that taken care of, and I'm doing all that I can with my classes. I passed the four I have, and math was the only struggle. I'm crossing my fingers hard enough they seem, in metaphor, to bleed. I keep telling myself...I can only pass. Failure isn't an option. Do or Die. I wanna live, so obviously passing is my key. So far, I've passed all three that have stared me down. I'm quite pleased with my accomplishments, however simple or unchallenging it might have been for anyone else. For me, it was hard stuff but I decided I would never allow myself to give up or accept less than my best.
After talking to my brother about emo people, I keep envisioning a really traditionally done painting I wanna do someday. It'd be of a subway train filled with a bunch of punk/emo/goth/makeup-nailpolish-trendy people that you commonly see there, people in different positions with different like, body language telling who they believe they are...and in the middle thered be a lady, a young one wearing normal clothes helping an old lady up, and all the people looking at her attentively. To me this vision kind of embodies the fact that we don't have to force ourselves to stand out by wearing "radical or deviant' clothing, but that we can simply become greater than the masses, or most different by doing what most people never do. It doesn't have to be drugs or an in your face attitude, or nose rings and dyed hair...I see people from school trying so hard to be different, but in my eyes anyways....the most wonderful people are those who have stood for the most simple of things, by just being themselves. To me, anyone who intentionally tries to be an "individual" by looking like someone else...is unfortunately misguided and silly. I can't think of a single thing besides twins, where anyone can't be identified or known simply by looking the way they came outta their mom. Don't get me wrong though, I don't see anything wrong with being stylish or just wanting to do something different, but when you become consumed by your clothing, by trying to emulate another type or person or creed....you inevitably lose exactly what you are looking for. Just be yourself and be proud of it.
I find it strange....how when I sit alone for an extended period of time..how thoughts will have a way of evolving within and become these most unusual ideas about life and logic and my way of being. I wondered just how bad this whole cell phone epidemic had become and randomly decided that I'd count all the people driving on the road that where chatting on the things. I counted about 9 within about 150 feet of driving and about 35 seconds. How do people have time to think about themselves, their lives, THE ROAD when they are busy filling their ears with racket. Same with ipods or any mp3 player. I mean I can understand it when your working out or walking the dog, but when you don't give your brain and soul a chance to resound within your body, I believe you lose a chance at finding moments of clarity.
I wonder how deeply anyone thinks about life in general....how they can just sit infront of a computer or game or while eating and just be content with that....I mean I know I do that too, but I like knowing that people have a curiosity for life and how things got to be they where....I guess...appreciation...is a good thing to me. I hate seeing people take the things they have for granted.
One thing that really annoys me is when your having a conversation with someone, and of course they are only barely registering what you are saying to em'. You could be sharing an experience or emotion and sometimes they won't even look at you. It's times like that I just wanna grab them by the chin and make them look at me. The coolest thing is seeing your train of thought refleted and completely understood, in another persons eyes. The moment of enlightenment...it's fascinating. People like that are very rare though, I hope that I do a good enough job with that.....but it takes a lot of patience and the ability to let go of yourself and become the person who is talking, if only for a moment...
It was interesting..the other day I got so mad for a very stupid reason. Mom wanted me to pick up my little sister from school. I got incredibly impatient and irritated. After she hung up my body felt so tense and so on FIRE and full of this irrational indignation.....I had the phone in my hand and I flung it on the ground as hard as I could. The danged thing bounced off the carpeted floor, on the side of the couch and then to the dresser opposite that angle and slid under my moms bed. I stopped, blinked nad kind of snorted in a disgusted way and ranted about it to Tyler....but then later on...like when I was actually walking to get Rachel I felt like such an idiot. I like picking rachel up, and the favor was hardly a big deal at all, I mean I could do a lot more around the house and all she asked was for me to pick up the little sister I swear to protect with my life. I've really got to look over my attitude, I wanna be a lot more humble. I feel that in becoming like that, I'll solve a lot of my vices...too prideful, to possesive, too fearful, too jealous and too easily angered. I am not a terrible person by any means, I believe I've made a ton of good decisions and that I know whats right most of the time, I strive to uphold the things I believe in even if I get critisized...but when I put other people at expense for my goals I can see a reason to count to three and think things over.
I need a job to get to prom. Tommorow me and Tyler are gonna look over possibilities. We'll see what'll come out of that. 3nodding
TheTyro · Sun Apr 09, 2006 @ 07:13am · 1 Comments |
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