I want to slash and cut my flesh for every scream I want to rip apart my heart at every seam. I want to stop wearing tragedy like a theme. I wish I could love myself the way I portray it to seem.
I want to feel more than just lust. I want to be able to calm myself without a fuss. I wish I could erase my own mistrust. I must learn to finally trust, Even if I have to drill through my own mentally volcanic crust.
I need to be held. I need to hold. Into the depths of a true heart I must delve. I can honestly say Ive never been so bold. I find it funny, because now Im just doing what Im told..
I guess I perform perfectly. Because no one has ever been able to notice all my falls. I can perform a pretense as if surgically.. But no one has ever successfully scaled my walls.
All who tried, have nothing left to say. So no one who has seen the actress outside of her play, Actually wants to handle her day to day. And now that someone wants to see the woman behind the madness- my first urge is to run away?
I can be whatever they want me to be. I can become whoever they need me to be. I will transcend all that they expect me to be.
I feared the stage, So I learned to make my own. But I didnt understand that I was building a cage. I forced everyone away, just to prove I could survive alone- or die alone.
Pretense is for the dense? I would rather permanently escape every sense. Id rather run to the highest precipice and shriek that I know I can still feel even if it makes me tense.
These are the thoughts inside. These are the demons that fester within me. This, this pathetic weak scared little girl is what Ive tried so desperately to hide. I dont know who I am anymore, so I have no clue who to be.
Alucarda Incarnate · Mon Jul 08, 2013 @ 09:15am · 0 Comments |