Velvy's Acceptance Speech for the Lead Self-Possessed Scientologist Oscar:
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly breathe! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest pool parties, I never would have fantasized that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other suck-a** nominees, I want each of you to know how totally saddened your lackluster applause makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was n't blonde enough, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how freakish my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda wrinkly
You know, there are so many obsequious leeches to thank! First off though, I want to b***h slap the senile old bats of the Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Zeus, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to Mom, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts - I couldn't have done it without you!
Thank you America, and good night!
Click Here to Create Your Own Acceptance Speech. :3
Thicc N Buttery · Sun May 21, 2006 @ 06:22am · 2 Comments |