At the time of me writing this, I have recently logged in for the first time in a decade and I don't even know what to say. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration - I do have a few talking points obviously, but I'm struggling on where I should start.
Perhaps I should go back to the beginning. I created this account when I was in high school, on the recommendation of a friend. The plan was that we'd meet up in Towns, have a little chat, and she'd show me around the site (at least, that's how I recall it). This did not pan out unfortunately as, for reasons that still allude me, she decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore at about the same time that I first logged in. This left me to explore the site on my own, and only now do I realize just how much that would come to shape me as a person.
I won't go into an excessive amount of detail here, but to suffice to say that it was a very challenging experience for someone with the level of social ineptitude I possessed at the time. Obviously it was an enjoyable enough for me to continue on for two or three years, but eventually some of the issues that I had experienced on here caused me to grow weary of Gaia and move on to Tumblr. A platform I continue to use to this day.
Recently however, I experienced some nostalgia for the site and upon realizing that my Chromebook can run Gaia reliably I decided to login and take a look at my old stomping grounds. The first thing I did was correct the email address that was associated with this account (an AOL account formerly operated by my mother) so that there wouldn't be any accessibility issues. The second thing I did was browse the site, taking my first look at Towns 2 which had been in development when I had left, greeting the NPCs that ran the in game shops, loitering around the Rally, strolling through "Towns 1", starting up zOMG for a moment, and looking up my alternate account to peek in on it as well. I also found myself customizing my Avatar a bit when I looked in my items shortly after all this, something that made me smile at myself when I realized that I was doing it.
I have just now finished browsing my profile here, reading some of the comments and prior journal entries, and having almost fully cased Gaia Online ten years later, I find myself in a strange sort of limbo constructed by my own shock, nostalgia, and amusement. So much is different, while so much is still the same. Reflecting on it in this moment, I actually find myself wondering how many updates have dropped since now and then, and how often these updates come out.
The thing that is the most bizarre of all however, is seeing the younger version of myself imprinted on this account. The friends I chose for myself, my profile comments, my journal entries - they're all very telling of an immature young man striving to be appear as an idealized version of himself that he was so plainly not, and all to gain favor of people that he couldn't fully know. Thinking about it, I started feeling really embarrassed of myself, and that made me wonder: "What do I want to do with all of these feelings I'm experiencing? Do I want to come back to Gaia?" Honestly, I'm not sure, and right now might not be the best time to try anyway. Now isn't a really good point in my life - not to mention just how long its been. Both myself and Gaia are different now, so what I'm expecting from it might be different than what I actually get.
In case that I don't come back however, or that my attempts to return don't reach their intended outcome, I wanted to leave this journal entry as a sort of epitaph for Gaia and my account here. As I've said, my time here has helped shape me into the person I currently am and I do look back on it fondly. Truly, I wish for nothing but the best upon this community and that I at least be able to come back every once in awhile to go people watching in Towns.
Katsuryuu Community Member 
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