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I pushed you into the margins
Instead of the center of my page
I should have made myself there for you in the ways I knew you needed
But fear calloused me.
I was Wounded by the last time I was abandoned
Not just by you
But by others
And I protected myself against you
Rather than open myself completely
Because I was safe in that fear
Complacent.
Comforted.
It gave me a reason
An excuse
You leaving would be just what I expected
Validation for the fear
And I let that rule me. Rule us
And I kept it from you
Because I did not trust you with it
And for that again, I am sorry
I am imperfect
And prideful
And fearful
And foolish.
It wasn't you
It was me.
I did this
And I am the one to blame
I should have trusted you
But I only really trusted that I was safe.
That I wasn't exposed
Of course here I am now, more exposed than ever
So, how marvelously our best laid plans can fly apart in the end

Regardless, you are right to leave.
It's a well-earned departure and you've suffered me for long enough.

I'm sorry. Truly, deeply sorry.

From the very bottom of my heart

And I wish you every happiness and joys without ending.