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From reading the last unfinished post, I'm clearly still very fed up rofl
From a high level, overarching perspective...I'm really just tired of feeling like I'm pouring out energy and effort that's not being reciprocated. And that's across the board with friends, lovers, fwb's and the like. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm begging you to spend time with me and I'm not going to do that anymore. Moving forward, I have to match that energy because in the past it has lowkey driven me crazy.
This way of thinking is a little troublesome for me because I feel like love should be unconditional and you really love someone, it shouldn't matter what they do or don't do to show them love. And love isn't a tit for tatt kind of ordeal either, so with that being said...in theory I should continue to go out of my way for these folks...Yeah, no. It still doesn't sit right with me.
Regardless, I love all these kids. I just hate they make me feel from time to time. That's all. And THAT'S why I'm pulling back....for my sanity. And I really shouldn't allow them to make me feel anything less than amazing. Period.
Yeah, I feel like I'm vibrating in a different space and we're transcendentally not on the same page, which is fine. I never thought you could really outgrow regular people in adulthood, but I guess you can. And that's what I feel like is happening.
A Friendly Business Meeting
Last night, Marlon hosted a business meeting at Omar's where he invited his friends to discuss their entrepreneurial ideas. At first, I was thinking this would be a brainstorming session of what we could all work on collectively, but thank God it wasn't.
Everyone went around and talked about their ideas. Apparently, Marlon had ideas for everyone's businesses except me. That honestly made me feel some kind of way. I skipped my go because I haven't fleshed out any entrepreneurial ideas, I felt some kind of way overall and I hate them.
Anyway, I got there roughly on time after spending time with my youngest siblings who are also going through the trials and tribulations in life and I left right after we were done. I honestly kinda wish I stayed home.
Honestly, it kinda gets on my nerves why Marlon talks about his "clinical depression" especially as it ties to how he "disappointed in himself" and "comparing himself to others". Like...bixch welcome to anyone who was born in the late 80's and the 1990's. People are dealing with real problems here and comparing themselves to niggas on Instagram isn't one of them.
Speaking of, Omnie, one of the fine middle eastern bodybuilders I follow on IG was saying how social media was fake and will make you feel like you're ugly...which was some real s**t. I was a little surprised it was coming from him since he's conventionally gorgeous but I did begin to think how social media has really helped shape what's considered desirable in society. But that's another conversation for another day. When I look at social media, I feel ugly but when I take social media out of that equation...I really don't feel that ugly. So there's that.
Work Work Work Work Work Work
Anyway, work has been super busy. Blake's last day was Thursday so I'm taking on a lot of the launches and offboarding for the programs we currently have. That AND I'm trying to get this promotion within the next few months. I'm not sure what else to say about this but I feel like it's a lot.
More to come, but this is just what's on my mind as of late. I'm going to pay my bills, update my resume, clean up and get some work done. Wish me luck.
One Love.
Ryo
Mood: *sigh* stressed Music: "I'll Cover You (Reprise)" - Brandon Victor Dixon from RENT: Fox Live Event Music(2): "Work" - Rhianna featuring Drake from ANTI
Ryonosuke · Sun Feb 10, 2019 @ 05:43pm · 0 Comments |
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