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grr I really hate myself..
I'm hurting myself over something so small... but it's tearing me up so badly that I really physicly hurt...
I feel sick and my heart really does hurt...
my bf came back, he's back on the internet.
but he hasn't said anything along the lines of any, kind of 'I love you' in what, a month now?
I imagion that he's just changed a bit, no big deal...
but... I'm just too pathetic...
I need to hear that the people closest to me love me back...
I live off of peoples' love, I can't live without it...
I'm such a pathetic excuse for a human being...
he also talked about this chick he used to like.. but the way he keeps talking about her, how much she hurt him, and even having her in a dream... it sounds like he still likes her...
I feel so alone...
today I was made fun of, again. the very chick I hate most is in 2 of my new classes, and she sits 2 seats behind me in one of them.
I know I'm weird. and I know I do weird things. but she makes me sound like a real freak. like what I do, my constant smiles, my friendlyness and my odd little habits are some kind of disease... like I'm an abomination that should be ridiculed...
and her little friend who would help her with it is in a different class of mine. she sits all alone and doesn't talk though. ******** b***h, won't say anything once her friend isn't there, huh? well, I'm grateful really...
I'm too much of a ******** nice person... I'm.. what's the word... I don't know..
when someone's mean or unfair I don't say anything. I just get mad till it hurts me, and I let them hurl words at me.. I end up getting mad at myself and I can't help it, but their words get to me every time...
I don't even know their names, what did I ever do to them?
god I feel so horrible.. someone please shoot me..
I wrote another story night before last, but I kinda based it off of myself and things going on, and things in my imagination...
char was in it, sam, and me... in the end, 'I' was hit by a bus and died.
that's how I felt then, and that's how I feel now...
self-destructive, that's the word...
I sound, so, incredibly pathetic...
I'm going to shut up now..
 shadow never seen · Sat Jul 29, 2006 @ 02:10am · 1 Comments |
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