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These days my life is nothing but a rollercoaster ride.
I hate rollercoasters... They always make me so motion sick. Way more than any other machine I've ridden on really.
And transportation machines HATE me.
This morning was great. Even though I was late for my party in Wutai everything went well there.
Well... Except for when the Cotton Candy machine blew up and spewed pink sugary cotton everywhere. But at the same time it wasn't so bad.
Everyone in the city was invited to come if they wanted. So lots of people were comming in and out. It was like a carnival really! I'm not big on gifts, at least for my birthday, so no one had to bring me anything if they didn't want to or couldn't. I just don't really like making it such a big deal, but my dad always wants to! So I never let him make a big deal out of it unless he can include everyone!
I got alot of really nice gifts. Most of them were handmade in one way or another, and alot of those were from kids. Haha, I get along great with them. I try to play with the kids of Wutai whenever I get the chance. So I ended up getting alot of crafted necklaces and bracelets and pictures and stuff. It's sweet really.
Alot of people brought food to share too. So there was more than plenty to go around. Especially when my dad had SOOO much cake made so everyone could have some! And so many flavors and kinds too!
I really pigged out! But you know what they say about sweets. They just go somewhere else when you eat them so you can always have room for more! This is more than true for me. Haha. I wonder why it is I haven't gotten fat yet.
Isho did come around looking for me to harrass me some more.You know, sexually at first. Then verbally when I told him to go ******** off. Course he was about to hit me but then my dad stepped in! TOTALLY beat the tar outta Isho! You'd never seen such fire in the old geezer! He hasn't beaten down anyone in ages but he can still do it with ease. Isho just went flying out when it was over! And now he's officially off the list of suitors.
My Daddy really loves me. <3 <3 <3
Even if he bugs me about grandkids and passing on the throne and blah blah blah.
Sobbiest sob story ever. Can't believe it's mine! Ah well. What can you do?
I did see Keikiji at the Wutai party. It made me soooo happy to see him! You know he was gunna start beating down on Isho himself if my dad didn't get there first.
That's why I like going back to Wutai. There's so much love there, it's really... beautiful. And not just the landscape. The people. I could never forsake Wutai. As much as I wish I could renounce my royal title, I never could. I could never leave my city and it's people. I love it too much.
Sometimes I wonder why I avoid getting married. The only real reason... is because I don't feel ready to lead a whole city. I don't feel ready to be married. I haven't even met anyone that I felt I would want to spend the rest of my life with... by my side... as my husband... making our own family... It just hasn't happened.
I don't know if there's anyone like that for me. But I know what I'll do if I can't find him. So at least I always have a fall back in Fiore. Even if I know I'll just be miserable.
...I wonder. Hana, I think it was, said I could try to make him feel. I don't know if that's possible anymore. But I remember... Once when we were just kids, my dad took me to meet him and his family. I remember... his parents never treated him like their son. Not really. He always had someone else tend to him. And I remember... I think he used to beable to feel. Because he smiled at me once. It was a real, genuine smile that reached his eyes and you just knew he was happy and he was enjoying himself. It makes me wish I had had a camera or something back then. So that I could have taken a picture and kept it.
He had a nice smile. I wonder... if it is possible to make him feel... Would he smile like that agian?
Aaahhh look at me getting all MUSHY and remenicent again! I swear I'm getting all soft and fluffy. I guess I just really miss home more than I thought. I feel like there's this longing and sadness in me that needs to be fufilled. Maybe I'll go home for a few days. You know? See my dad and all. Yeah... yeah I think I'll do that. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. After all, I may not have much time. It's spreading, starting to take a hold on me. Probably through the feelings of sadness and longing, the feelings of despair. Every horrible feeling I have ever felt that still, if only a speck, remains in my heart. While I'm still in control, I want to see my family. The only family I'd ever known growing up.
Before I lose it. Before I'm beyond outside help and I have to fight it all on my own. I want to be with the ones I love most. I want to be happy with them before I'm consumed. I want to be happy, to gain my strength.
To remember that which I fight and live for.
Hell, I might even try to get Fiore to crack a smile while I'm there. Maybe it'll make it worth getting married to him and help me overcome that part of the dread in my heart.
I wish I could have been better for the party Minx and everyone tried to throw for me at the Ask Sora building. Almost everyone came and wished me happy birthday. I got gifts from them too. And I was happy. Because it meant they cared.
I even got gifts and well wishes from people I didn't even know! This one girl made plushies of me and Axel and Lan! They were so cute!
Yeah.. I was happy. Really happy.
I was even happy when Minx rolled out this huge 5 foot tall chocolate cake! It looked so yummy!
...Then Axel popped out of it in stripper clothes. Really flashy with the fire and everything.
I really should have taken the swirling fire as the first hint. Cuz I didn't recognize him at first. I really thought Minx got me a stripper! Which was cool at the time.
...You don't know what the hell was going through my head, I'm even wondering myself. But eating cake off him was one thing that crossed my mind.
Yes I thought he was.... well... hot.
Then I realized it was Axel. And my mind just went blank... I just stopped seeing and hearing everything. And my mind started arguing with itself.
I swear... this was all just so wrong!
I don't know if I'll beable to look at him or act the same was around him for a while. It's just really awkward right now.
AND IT'S ALL MINX'S FAULT! >_< It was HER idea!
YOU CAN SAY HELLO TO YOUR JANITORIAL POSITION NOW, GIRL!
My BRAIN BROKE cause of your little stunt! CONGRADULATIONS! D:<
Not to mention I practically had a heart attack! KNOWING WHAT I DID AND SAID AND WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE IF I DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT!!
You've caused me to be disturbed on SO many levels! NICE JOB!
But you know.. even while I was totally absorbed in myself with my inner arguement... I did manage to hear and maybe see a few things. Like... HANA AND OTHER PEOPLE SAYING AXEL SHOULD KISS ME! D:< AND THAT HE LOVES ME!
HANA YOU'RE IN TROUBLE FOR STARTING THAT!
And I swear I felt someone kiss me. I can't be sure... but it really felt like it.
It wasn't like it was a bad kiss, if it even really happened. And I think I saw a pair of green eyes just before I was kissed, now that I think of it...
....NAH it couldn't be him. He never would. Besides it was soft and gentle, not at all like I would have ima *Heavily scribbled out*
...Would he!? O_O
....DAMN YOU ALL! I HATE ALL OF YOU FOR CONFUSING ME LIKE THIS!!!
*The bottom of the page was covered in scribbles. Either in release of frustration or sudden lack of control, no one could tell.*
AAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!
a petite ninja · Tue Nov 21, 2006 @ 07:56am · 5 Comments |
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