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So here it is.
3:35 AM, November 21st 2006.
That date is gonna seem significant from now on.
I thought the 20th would be, and I was right.
More so than it had been the previous year.
I'm starving, I'm cold, I'm exhausted, and I can't do a thing about it.
I don't have a desire to move, I feel like sitting here, comatose.
This blanket is doing absolutely nothing.
I tried sleeping, no luck.

There are three roles in this to play:
Someone who knows why this is happening.
Someone who doesn't know, and never will.
Or, you could be the cause of all this.
These rolls aren't going to change.

Hands are shaking cold, right now, but I can manage with typing like an adrenaline junkie, and with the sounds from the keyboard well over eight decibels.
Anyways,
I've been crying. All night. Screaming before the front door when no one was home, scrathing at it like a dog wanting out. I did this periodically.
I did cheer up some, though, for a short while. For Maddie's sake.
"The Fin Approach. Be happy for the sake of those around you, and to shove it in the face of those being held responsible."
This Approach only lasted an hour.

I've been crying. All night.
I don't know why, but I felt like tasting the tears.
Salty. Like pickles.
Instantly, I thought of the pickle juice popsicles Kala, Patrick and I use to love when we were little.
That was a nice though.
Then, my thoughts went elsewhere. To Andrew White, who went by Pickles, and Anthony, who is still this day know as Mr. Pickles by some.
In came the plot line, and out of my mind went I at the very thought of Lucas.
Like a domino effect, sending tremor after tremor of violent convulsions.
But I got a though: Did it do me any good? I certainly would not be me.
And Chris, that stuck up b*****d from sixth grade? What about him?
And Emmons, with his hooded Minions? What did he do for me?
One things for sure. They're all dicks and they all made me stronger.
Simply put, I would not be me.
I would have none of the friends I have today.
There would be no Maddie because there would be no Kasen.
There would be no Lizzie because there would be no Haru.
There would be no Zach, no Dani, no Ben, not even a Josa.
Hell, Hannah may cease to exist.
No Tenshi, no IGS, no Quad, nothing.
So I have to thank the little pricks that made things hell. I just have to. I don't want to, but it's an inevitable fact.
Even this moment... I owe some thanks to it. Maybe me in a few months will see that.

Anyone who knows me well enough may realize that it was hardly me typing this. Me, physically, though not mentally, not emotioinally. I could never handle myself like this.
I don't know about you,
but for me this was an out of body experiance.

See you on the other side.