So I've decided to expand a little on my last entry. It's not fair to have been gone for so long and come back to only give you a couple lines of text. While I feel I shouldn't have to explain myself to the masses, the people that matter to me really do deserve a good explanation.
1) I'm a s**t-a**, and I'm a c**k-tard. Whatever you want to call it.
I've done a lot of shitty and stupid things to the people I care about, as well as to myself. Over the years everything just began to pile up to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I needed an out and getting away from everything was the only way I thought I could do it. I was wrong? Yes. Completely wrong. I ran away from those who I was sure were my friends because I had little slivers of uncertainties from third parties or some odd variant.
2) I finally know what I want.
Over the years it's taken me to pull the proverbial stick out of my a**, I've figured out who my true friends are. While I had many 'friends' before, I've only got a few great friends now. I wouldn't change these people out for anything in the world and the fact that they're willing to accept me after they know everything speaks volumes for itself. I'll treasure them until the day I die, and I'm not leaving them again. Ever.
3) Nobody will control me again.
Before, I listened to others with the fact that maybe what they had to say was the turth and what I had to say and felt wasn't exactly right. Now I understand that sometimes they're just being assholes. I can think for myself, and that's alright. If I want something, I'll say I want it and nobody else can tell me I don't. If you tell me I'm not feeling a way I know I'm feeling, I'm not going to question myself any longer. I'm just going to make sure you're not a part of my life. I don't need harmful or controlling people. I can decide things on my own, thank you.
4) I know who I love, and everyone else can get ********]
Yes, I love him. I'll always love him and nobody else matters to me in that aspect. I would say his name if I didn't think I'd be making the situation worse. It took me nearly three years to figure out completely that I'm head over heals in love with him.
We've been through some s**t and I once thought to myself that I didn't love him. I let what others said get in the way of this. I know now that I really do love him and nothing else will change this. No matter how many distractions I tried to make for myself on account of myself and others, I know what it is I'm feeling now. Nobody will tempt me to turn away from him. Not now, not ever.
I also understand that I'm an idiot. You just don't do what I did to the person I'm in love with. How could I have done something so cruel and cold to him? I really don't know. I just can't fathom. And I understand if I've lost my chance. But? Just being his friend? Being able to see him? I'm going to be okay if I can just have that.
Overall, I want his happiness. If he's happy, then I'm completely happy too. Afterall, I didn't travel around the world for the greatest treasure if I really didn't love him. (Sorry, old reference!)
5) My family.
Boys? You know who you are. You're my family and I'm not going to change that for the word. You're my son, my best friend, and my confidan. Don't ever think you aren't. Being that all three of you are on my friends list? Yeah.
6) I ate it.
This is all I can think of now, since food is entering into my brain as the main source. However, I shall be back for more writing soon. I hope... OMG SATIRE.
Maiyra Community Member 
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