Xandi’s Depression
Xandi sat on the ledge of her house staring out into the distance of her yard.
Staring at the setting sun of the day going by. A bit of light reflected off of the small drop of her tear falling down her face. She has been in her deep depression for two months now. And from that time she has been losing her feelings and emotions one by one each day.
She then placed her hands over her eyes as she clutched them tight, tight enough to tear through her skin. But she didn’t care about the pain anymore. She barely felt any of it .
She then started to cry out more tears than before. She has gone through this routine every day since it happened.
“Why? Why do you do this to me? You promised…you promised.” She said to herself as she cried into her hands.
It starts with one
one thing I don't know why
it doesn't even matter how hard you try
keep that in mind as I designed this rhyme to explain in due time
all I know
Her thoughts then went back to that day, that one horrid day that turned her into what she is now.
2 months ago
“MINORI!! COME ON!” Xandi cheered with a big smile on her face as she tugged on the boy’s arm as she walked away from the school.
The boy named Minori smiled at her as he followed the crazed girl down the street.
“I’m coming, I’m coming.” He mumbled to her.
Xandi just smiled as they both finally reached the park. This time it was Minori who started to drag Xandi to their favorite spot of all places in the park.
They went to the back where no body usually goes in the park and they both then sat under the tree. Xandi grinned as she leaned back on her hands as she leaned back her head with her eyes closed enjoying the feel of the cool breeze and the shade of the tree.
Minori just smiled as he watched Xandi enjoying herself.
Minori then looked over at the tree and saw the carving of his and Xandi’s name on the tree bark. He couldn’t help but smile and looked over at Xandi.
“Remember we carved our names on the tree 3 years ago?” He asked her with a smile. Xandi opened her eyes and looked over to the carving and nodded her head.
“Yes…of course I do. That was the year when we first met.” She told him with a grin.
Minori smiled as he leaned forward to Xandi a bit closer. Xandi blushed in how close he was coming toward her but she didn’t move an inch. Somehow, she wanted to see what would happen.
Minori grinned when he saw that the girl didn’t move and took his chance. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her lips. Xandi’s eyes widened but then softened as she slowly closed her eyes. He then pulled back and smiled at the blushing girl.
Xandi then smiled back at him.
“What was that for?” She asked him very curious. Minori smirked as he pressed his forehead on her shoulder.
“It's because I love you, Xandi.” He told her. Xandi blushed even redder but then smiled. She rested her head on his head as well.
“ You too.” She told him with a big grin.
Time is a valuable thing
watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
watch it count down to the end of the day
the clock ticks life away
it's so unreal
you didn't look out below
watch the time go right out the window
trying to hold on but you didn't even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go
kept everything inside
and even though I tried
it all fell apart
what it meant to be will eventually be a memory of a time
Few days after
Minori and Xandi walked in the hallway hand in hand as they were leaving the school to go and do something fun in the park.
Minori looked over at Xandi and smiled. Xandi smiled back as she rested her head on his shoulder as they walked down.
They then both stopped when three girls got in their way. Xandi snarled in her head, preps. She said to herself.
The leader of the three girls smiled as she step forward to Minori.
“Word in the school you and Xandi are going out.” She told him with arms crossed.
Minori let go of Xandi’s hand and then crossed his arms as well.
“Yea…so?” He asked her annoyed.
The girl gave him a pout as she walked forward and smoothed her hand on his cheek. “Why wont you go out with me? I asked you before.” She pouted as she starred at him in the eyes. Minori’s mouth gapped open as he just stood there starring at the girl.
Xandi scowled as she turned around from the scene and started to storm off.
Minori then shook his head out of his trance and raced after Xandi leaving the three girls behind.
“XANDI! XANDI WAIT!” He called out to her. Xandi ignored him as she slammed the school doors open.
“WHY DON’T YOU GO TO THEM?” She screamed back at him. Minori let out a frustrated sigh as he caught up to the girl and grabbed her hand and turned her to face him. He pressed his hand against her cheek as he looked at her in the eyes.
“Why would I want to be with them? I love you, and only you. And nothing can change that.” He told her.
Xandi looked at him and then pressed her face on his chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug. Minori smiled down at her as he hugged her back.
“I promise you Xandi, I will never leave you. I will always be with you.” Minori promised her.
I tried so hard
and got so far
but in the end
it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
but in the end it doesn't even matter
“MINORI! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!” Xandi screamed across the room with tears streaming down her eyes as she stormed away from Minori trying not to make eye contact.
“Xandi…let me explain.” Minori pleaded to the outraged girl pacing back and forth with hands clutched shut.
“WHAT IS THERE TO EXPLAIN? I SAW YOU KISS HER!” Xandi screamed back at him with more tears streaming down her face as her eyes started to turn red.
Minori let out a sigh in distress.
“Like I said…let me explain.” He told her. He then caught up with the girl and placed his hands on her shoulders to make her look at him.
“She kissed ME! She caught me by surprise. It is not my fault!” He told her in distress.
Xandi looked at him and then slapped his hands off of her.
“Well it looked like you enjoyed it to me!” She yelled at him.
Minori threw his hands in the air with a big frustrated sigh. “I DON’T EVEN LIKE HER!” He screamed in distress.
Xandi crossed her arms as she looked away from him. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. She was tired of it. Minori stood there for a long time watching Xandi just stand their not saying anything or even looking at him.
And then with a sigh he walked toward the door. Xandi then turned around confused.
“Where are you going?” She asked.
“Home!” He called back at her as he then stormed down her yard and into the street.
Xandi opened the door and watched him as he crossed the street.
She then saw lights going down the streets.
Xandi’s mouth gapped open in alarm has it was heading toward Minori.
“MINORI WATCH OUT!” She screamed out to him.
One thing
I don’t know why
it doesn't even matter how hard you try
keep that in mind as I designed this rhyme
to remind myself how I tried so hard
in spite of the way you were mocking me
Actin like I was part of your property
remembering all the times you've fought with me
I'm surprised it got so far
things aren’t the way they were before
you wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
not that you knew me back then but it all comes back to me in the end
I kept everything inside and even though I tried
it all fell apart
what it meant to be will eventually be a memory of a time
Xandi was in the hospital waiting room tapping her foot madly waiting for any news. A car has hit Minori and it was a major accident. Xandi was in totally shock and she was barley able to call 911 for help cause her hand was shaking so much.
She looked up at the clock. It was 5Pm in the afternoon. She has been waiting in there for about an hour now.
She was so nervous and worried in what could happen. She rested her head in her hands. This was my entire fault…I shouldn’t have yelled at him. She thought to herself in her mind.
She was then interrupted when the doctors came up to her. They showed no expression on their faces as they came up to her. She had to say they were pretty good at it.
The doctors had their heads bowed at her.
“We are sorry but…he didn’t make it. His spine was injured very badly and there was too much blood. There was nothing we could do.” They told her. Xandi’s face went completely blank at the news. She felt pressure at the corner of her eyes. She then took the chance as tears started streaming down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands as she cried into them.
No…no…this can’ be true. She thought to herself as tear after tear came down from her eyes.
Minori…you promised.
I tried so hard
and got so far
but in the end
it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
but in the end it doesn’t even matter
2 months after that
Xandi continued to cry in her hands as she sat on the edge of her house with the sun setting, telling her that it was close to the end of the day.
“Why…Why, why, why? WHY YOU LEAVE ME!” Xandi cried out into the sky with her head thrust back and her eyes closed as her tears were coming down her face.
“WHY YOU BREAK YOUR PROMISE MINORI!!!YOU PROMISED!” she called out again into the sunset sky.
She then jumped off of the edge back onto her porch and stormed into her house.
She couldn’t take it anymore. She hated her life. She hated in how it has become. She was alone; even her parents didn’t cut it. Her feelings and emotions disappeared so people didn’t seem to like her or pay any attention to her. She was completely and utterly alone. She missed him, She missed him awfully. She just couldn’t continue in life without him. It made her drive mad.
She walked in her room pass her parents that were sitting in the living room watching T.V. not paying any attention to her. Xandi then walked over to her drawer and took out something that shined in the blood red sun.
I put my trust in you
pushed as far as I could go
for all this there's only one thing you should know
I put my trust in you
pushed as far as I could go
for all this
there's only one thing you should know
She placed the razor to her wrist. Thinking twice in what she was going to do. She sat there for 5 minutes just staring at the razor and deep in thought, till she made up her mind.
“Minori…I’m sorry. I can’t take it anymore. It is not the same without you here with me. I’m sorry I yelled at you, I’m sorry for being so stubborn. But I love you…and I want to be with you.” She said to herself as a single tear went down her cheek. Her last and final tear that she would ever cry now.
Then with one swift move of her hand she slid the razor right across her wrist as a trail of a deep cut followed from it behind. She winced in pain but it soon disappeared. She looked down and saw as her own blood started to ooze out of her skin. She couldn’t believe in how much blood that was spilling out of her. She then felt her room spin. She felt weary and very tired. Xandi then leaned back as she laid across her bed. She felt her eyes begin to droop down.
“I’ll see you soon…Minori.” She mumbled and then with one last breath she closed her eyes and was now forever still. Never to have a tear fall down her cheek.
I tried so hard and got so far
but in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
but in the end
it doesn't even matter
Song called: In the End
By: Linken Park
 -StaarShinee- · Fri Feb 23, 2007 @ 09:29pm · 2 Comments |
Walls around my heart that can't be knocked down by force, but of pure love.
You Are A Symphony Of Stardust....
