June 31
It’s been a fairly normal day for me… Whatever that means in my line of work. Anyway, that put aside, I find myself in quite possibly the most complicated situation I’ve been in. I find it ironic that something so trivial as a woman would evoke such a sense of confusion within Lord Orochimaru’s favorite. For some reason I can’t concentrate on my duties my master has sent for me as well as I have in the past. This whole thing started a few weeks ago. So far my performance has not been effected by this strange occurrence, but I fear it may soon be. I wish I could understand what it is I’m feeling, however, even my intelligence won’t allow me to find an answer. My insides feel like they’re being ripped apart and pulled back together into a giant knot. I won’t tell her for fear of letting her know too much and so many other reasons. My biggest one being that she’s against Lord Orochimaru. When I said today was normal, I fear I was mistaken. I hope my infatuation will be taken care of before Lord Orochimaru discovers I had so much as a passing thought of compassion for an enemy. I honestly don’t know how he’d react, and I hate to think of it. I am truly loyal to him, however, I fear this woman, Anko, may soon be getting in the way of my duties as a spy. If that ever happened, I would surely be killed as a traitor. Why, out of all the people in the world, did it have to be Anko I couldn’t stop thinking of? She’s yet more proof of how difficult life is.
July 5
My situation has now become more difficult to hide from Lord Orochimaru. I have no idea how, but somehow Anko has discovered my feelings for her and admitted feeling something similar. What is she blind? Even if we both wanted something to happen, I would never allow it to. Why can’t my obsession die? It’s true she’s beautiful, but beauty can only go so far. Besides, I have no time tom be worrying about things such as women.
July 6
Lord Orochimaru has once again given me orders to go into Konoha and find Sasuke Uchiha for him. He’s had a particular interest in the boy for some time now. Of course, I didn’t find him, but I once again found the thing that’s been troubling me most of all, and it was just at a time when I had finally gotten my mind off of the woman. Yes, I found Anko. Was this a coincidence? Perhaps, but why would she have acted as if she had been waiting for me? She can’t know how I feel… I myself have no idea what I’m feeling. If only I could stop thinking of her. This infatuation has gone too far and yet she continues to haunt me. Why is it I’m feeling such strong desires to be with her?
July 21
My situation has once again become more complicated. Lord Orochimaru has said nothing, but I know he knows my feelings for Anko. I would never betray him, but I feel he is doubting my loyalties. Somehow Anko means so much more to me than I ever thought possible. I don’t want to break my loyalties to Lord Orochimaru, but I also don’t want to hurt her. I can no longer push this infatuation away as a simple phase. I have to see her and at this point, I don’t care what the cost is.
August 7
Lord Orochimaru has given me a much more difficult task than I ever thought possible. I can hardly even write this, much less look at it… He wants me to kill Anko. I know my loyalties are still with him, but I doubt he’s convinced anymore. He may act like he trusts me, but I know better. This mission he’s given me is his way of putting out a flame before it spreads. I don’t know why I feel so inclined to disobey his orders. I have never had a problem with killing under his command, but… this time…
((Page ends with shaky handwriting and quickly becomes illegible and stops as the spy can no longer continue to write.))
August 18
I met Anko today and tried with every fiber of my being to do what Orochimaru ordered… The unspeakable sin of killing my one and only angel. I couldn’t… Can never do it. As I made my attempt, I became overcome by and completely powerless to my emotions. I fell to my knees, sobbing for nearly killing her. Why didn’t she run from me? Why did she take me into her arms and give me the kiss that will surely mean death for both of us? More importantly, why didn’t I push her away before the kiss ever happened? If only none of this had occurred. I know now I’m in love and it’s an emotion I shouldn’t be feeling. We both chose different paths in life. How can it be that two people who should hate each other feel the complete opposite of what they should? Forgive me, Lord Orochimaru, but I can’t kill the love you’re so willing to destroy. Something in me wishes I had never met this woman… Yet if I hadn’t, a great part of me would be lost. I fear if Orochimaru finds me I will be killed for my failure. My loyalty is quickly being compromised by her. I can’t allow this continue. I must do what Lord Orochimaru has commanded me to, no matter how terrible a sin it is. I’m sure Hell’s already got a spot for me, anyway. No… I’ve tried to convince myself that I can kill Anko, but I can’t. Why can’t I? Why does she mean so much to me? What makes her so much different from any other woman? She has caused a change within me and it frightens me. Istill don’t know why… Oh God! Please tell me this is some insane nightmare. Please… Please let me wake up… please…
August 30
These past few days I have been hiding from Orochimaru and Anko, more importantly frm myself. The pressure and mental strain I’m going through is too great. Perhaps if I never saw Anko again I would be free to serve Lord Orochimaru as I have once more. However, I’m notsure I could stand it if I never saw Anko… What am I doing to her? What am I doing to Lord Orochimaru? His right hand has abandoned him… Her angel has fallen. Both outcomes seem just as terrible. I don’t know if I can choose… Yet I know I must.
September 5
It seems things have gone from bad to worse. Lord Orochimaru has discovered my continuing failure to kill Anko. He confronted me about it, but I couldn’t say why I disobeyed him, He couldn’t possibly understand love to be anything but a weakness. That’s one thing I’m not. I feel truly terrified, like any day could be my last. What’s worse… my mind won’t allow myself to remain loyal to Orochimaru. Anko’s taken over more of me than I ever thought possible. She’s an irreplaceable part of me. How can I be expected to destroy something so precious? Then again, how can Orochimaru’s right hand man care so much? Please forgive me, Lord Orochimaru, but I can no longer stay true to your purposes. Stop asking me to kill my precious angel. I know as I’m writing this I’m signing my death warrant, but she’s too perfect. I’m leaving the Village Hidden in the Sound tomorrow to find Anko… That is, if she’ll take me.
September 6
Today marks the beginning of my journey back to my home village, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. I’m surprised Orochimaru hasn’t found me yet or even sent someone after me. Then again, he knows I’m far too smart to use any well known paths. I can’t say where I am in case this journal falls into the wrong hands, but I can say this route will take about four days for me to get through.
September 12
I arrived back in Konoha yesterday and also happened to find Anko. I must say her reaction amazed me. Rather than turn me away, she smiled and said, “Welcome back”, as if I was a long lost family member. I don’t know where my new found love will take me, but I do know one thing… Today marks a new beginning for me. No longer will I live for Orochimaru, I’ve found something so much more wonderful. I’ve found an angel and she’s found this long lost soul of mine.
The End
