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The Guardian (1): Something To Believe In.
Good Evening. I plan to write a story which will come to you in different chunks a bit like 'chapters' hhaahaha. so you have more time to read and critisize or how ever its spelt. Yeah, I apologize in advanced for bad spelling/grammar. When im typing
The Guardian (1): Something to Believe in.
The streets filled with screams.
A gunshot fired.
The lights faded.
Almost like a play written on someone’s life, ready to close the curtain as the final scene was played out. Was I the villain by per chance? Or merely a one time character with no importance. No...I had a life and he ended it, it matters not if I was important to him or not. I was important to those who cried for me as my coffin was buried in the cold soil

Mother who loved me once, do not stand before my grave and weep.
I am not there, I will not sleep.
Until my murderer shall be punished, for the pain he caused to you and I.
Angels watch over my mother for I cannot.
But one day we’ll be together, as time goes by.


There’s a place I like to go when I feel alone on the cold, windy nights of silence through the city streets. The rooftops of every building in this area, it has a cold feeling, the seasons are attracted to the cold and only the cold can get to the hearts of the citizens here. Upon the highest building there sits a little girl on some nights dressed in the same lightly coloured dresses from the previous nights. She prays there and sits until an angel will answer her prayers to bring her sister back to life. She sits there for hours without end sometimes until she falls asleep, then her father comes and takes her home. Pitiful, perhaps, that someone cannot move on towards their future instead of meddling in their sorrows. Well, isn’t that what I’m doing? Not moving on without finding my killer is the reason why I shall not move on towards the afterlife, I refuse. I suppose I shouldn’t look upon peoples sorrows trying to make them less superior to my own. This girl might be much more interesting to watch other than to just pitifully look down upon from the skies. I looked into her bedroom window to find her writing on pieces of rectangular paper charms and putting her wishes on them then sticking them to her wall. Then writing even more. I felt strangely depressed by her actions, yet she was smiling cheerfully as she aimlessly stuck her wishes upon her bedroom walls. I faded into her bedroom and one by one I read her wishes, carefully considering them:
“I wish sister would come back to me so we could play like we used to”
“I wish I had a friend who’d stay with me forever”
“I wish that father would stay home more often”
“I wish that you chant everyone else’s dreams before mine”
The last one, I read, was quite painful in some ways, mainly by the way she writes all of these over and over but still wants to wait until everyone looks down upon her before she can be able to look towards her future. I wrote down two wishes myself :
“I want this girl to be able to see me so I can make her dreams come true as well as mine. I wish we could confront our sorrows together and overcome them with our hearts”
Is it strange the compassion I felt for that little girl running up and down her bedroom sticking wishes upon her walls, when she knew that they would perhaps never be granted until the very last. I suppose, she wants what I want. Happiness. Sorrow to be overcome and to believe in hope. Something to believe in when you look towards yourself in a mirror, something... anything. I can hold her when she is crying but she will never feel me there, I can only hear her weep her sorrows and feel her tears drop towards my hands as I wipe them away.
“Who are you?” The girl spoke looking straight towards me with her eyes wide, scanning me like a radar.
“You can see me?” I said quietly trying not to scare her.
Did the angel...answer my wish? Sister said that that angels will answer your wishes if you wish really hard... Are you the angel?” She said as she grabbed my arm to make sure I wouldn’t leave.
“Yes I’m the person who’ll watch over you from now on” I whispered in her ears as I gave her a hug. I stayed with her that night, until she fell asleep in my arms, i’ll hold you until you stop crying little one.

I’m not an angel but I’ll watch over you, until we rid of our sorrows.




The Guardian: (2) The Silent Sinner
The door of the girl's bedroom opened slowly and there stood her father. Harmless enough for him to consider checking on his daughter. But no. He walked around the room tearing down her wishes one by one and throwing them to the ground. As a ghost, of course, I had no power to stop him from doing such a deed as destroying your child's wishes for a future even when you don't even stop to read the many ones that included yourself. I wondered what she would think of this when she awoke from her dreams. The sun rose without hesitation and as she awoke she merely walked by the destruction of lost dreams and wishes then got dressed in her lightly colored clothes.
"Good morning Angel" She said as she picked up a small school bag and putting it on her back. I couldn't reply to her knowing ,perhaps, she is hiding her feelings of the event that occurred last night or that it happens frequently during her sleep.

"Father...he tore up my wishes again didn't he? More punishment..." She answered to my somewhat shocked facial expression and she walked out of her room then out the door.

I felt no need to follow her but yet it was like a magnet drawing me in to her life that I had to follow her to her school. She was silent and didn't look forward very often, only when she was crossing a busy street. She stood in-front of the gate of her school and starred for several minutes at the tall building that stood before her, then she sighed heavily. Many people walked past her without saying a word to her but the except of a group of children who pushed her into a wall several times only stopping when the morning bell rang: to which, they went to their classrooms without saying a word.

"Only punishment..." She replied to herself as she picked herself up ignoring my presence altogether. I watched her sit quietly in the classroom as I noticed her desk was at the very back separated from the rest of the smiling children. Perhaps, she did something wrong. It was a passing thought but...I didn't even believe my own words. Punishment was the only thing she said for the whole day, I wondered if it had a meaning other than that she was being disciplined in some way. When she returned home, she changed slightly. She ran around the house looking in every room and crying silently as checked every room in the house with a great speed. She stopped. Her tears ran down her face and her fists were clenched tight with a mixture of rage and sadness.

"You're curious aren't you? Why I keep saying punishment and why do I run home to try and find something I know will never be here?" She yelled at me as more tears flooded her eyes.
"Just say it! You can abandon me too, you know!" She yelled more furiously this time.

I couldn't answer her questions but she knew the answers herself. There was so much pain that she inflicted it onto me in order to reduce her own pain.

"Do you mean that?"
"What?"
"You want me to leave?"
"I...I want you to...answer me"
"Well I don't have them, only you have them"

She fell to her knees and cried. She held her shoulders tightly and waited until she was ready to repent her sins.

"It's my fault...that sis...and mother too. It's my fault...'cause I... killed them" She spoke these words from my heart and couldn't look at me any longer.
"I was born to kill mother and sister, wasn't I?...If I wasn't born they'd be alive...both of them happy with father" She said as she looked down at the floor trying to avoid eye-contract with me.

I realized then that it was her father she was looking for when she first walked into this empty household, she wanted her wish to come true.
"Mother died because of me, just to let me live...I think she was wrong, I'm not worth it" She said as she curled up next to me.

Those were her last words before she fell asleep just like the night before as I cradled her. She causes herself this much pain because her family wanted her to live...but she would rather have them both live instead of herself.

They wouldn't sacrifice themselves if you weren't worth so much.



The Guardian: (3) The Faded Memory
I left her alone that night to clear my thoughts. Soaring through the city streets and being blinded by the everlasting light that flows from the street lamps. The glow of light made even these cold streets sparkle in the darkness. I felt empty again. Wandering around aimlessly, I suppose I'd grown accustomed to that girl. No matter. It was time for me to go back to her.

when I returned she was up again writing on a single piece of rectangular paper and then later sticking it to the wall. Another wish to be torn down by her father. But he left it and looked for only a few minutes at his daughter, before walking away. Why?...You've done it before so what makes it any different. A change of a heart, perhaps. The sun had risen without me noticing and before long she awoke with a slight smile on her face.
"Good morning"
"Oh...Yes good morning Angel" She said almost with no emotion. She turned to me and looked at me closely as if she was looking into my soul to see my true feelings.
"Do dreams mean anything..."
"Huh?"
"Mother is there and sis too...it's just like the last time...but I can't remember" She said with her ,somewhat, happy tone of voice. "Forgetting something that important...I'm pretty worthless right?" She said smiling again. No matter how many times she forced that smile, it was always a sad one.

"It was an bright autumn day and the wind was blowing calmly at me. The trees rushed by the pure force blew me off my feet...with such powerful happiness, why is this memory sad to me? I'm sure it was a happy moment..." She would mutter to herself every so often. Things that have no meaning. I want them to disappear. Let them fade...slowly. I realized when I was walking by her side that I never asked her name...should I have? Is it really that important? Asking meaningless things...it's sometimes better to listen to your heart instead of your mind. They hold more answers together, than by themselves.
"Little girl, what's your name?"
"My name...?"
"Yes, what is it, it'd be much better than me calling you little girl every time"
"I don't know...I don't know what my name is..." She repeated to me, looking at the pathway, staring deeply into its hollow cracks. "Is it bad...punishment..." She whispered as she stopped walking. I couldn't look at her face. She had cradled it in a shadow of sorrows and nothing could bring it back out.

I sometimes wished she'd stop punishing herself with these such meaningless things. Pitiful. Was that the only word I had to describe her...for the moment, yes it was. She seemed to grow stranger everyday as her very image seemed to fade slightly, until there was nothing but a shadow of a once happy little girl. She sits there silently now;by the window of her bedroom-looking down upon the world. Motionless. Forever gazing with demonic grey eyes. I dared to speak to her, but she seemed overshadowed as a kind of barrier seemed to block all forms of communication with her.
"Are you alright...?" I asked with courage trying not to anger her like I did once before. But she kept the same blank expression and turned her face slowly towards me...then smiled, devilishly at me. "I'm fine Angel, why...is there something wrong?" She said smiling that familiar smile along side a happy toned voice. I was for the first time in a long time, afraid;of a small child. Frozen. There I stood before her looking into those dark eyes as she removed herself from the window ledge, and placed herself onto the ground like a doll.
"Is there...something wrong, Angel. Why don't you come and play for a while? Or perhaps you'd like to abandon me?" She said with a fierce look as she laughed at the mere thought of me abandoning her. "Don't be foolish, you little girl...worthless creatures like him won't abandon you-neither will I, you'll stay with me forever won't you-indeed forever" She echoed to herself and she knelt to the ground holding herself tightly, and laughing endlessly. Repeating that endless laugh and clutching her shoulders as her fingers began to shake due to the force she was inflicting onto herself. She stood with her grip tightening on herself. The echoing laughter increased as she rose to her feet, once more. I stood stunned by her actions that all I could do was watch as she slowly began to step closer towards him. She grabbed tightly to my arm and ,even though I was a ghost, I could feel the strength of her grip digging into me.
"You won't leave! I won't let you...you'll stay with me forever, I won't allow you to leave- do you hear me!" She spoke these last words before vanishing from my sight. The room that was once beautiful turned to a ruin of rectangular papers being blown gently by the open window. The lights faded and circling around me were only the dreams she left behind, before she released all of her suffering upon herself. The charms that were torn formed a sentence together guided by the wind, it read:

"I wish I would vanish so I could stop punishing myself and causing pain to others, I want you to stop me please..."

This was the only wish the angels granted for her...pitiful.
I too only cause suffering...
But I'm not willing to disappear yet, not yet.

The little girl from this new tormenting memory, I'll grant the only wish I can just for you before I must leave your ruin of hopeless dreams.

"I'll stay with you forever, but only in my memory so we can ease our suffering;together"




The Guardian: (4) The Continuous Dream
Slowly embracing these memories of the once silent little girl, I was now redeeming both our sorrows together as I continued with my memories to the next destination of fate that crossed my path. A glimmering city that lit up the sky above seemed like a "pleasant destination" for me.

The streets were bright but seemed to radiate a silent sadness on its citizens as they walked silently past one another without a word. A woman with long dark haired walked towards me and stopped as she faced me. Her eyes were glimmering and her hands rose up towards me as they touched my cheek slightly.

"You seem cold, are you alright?" She asked as she smiled at me with her eyes fixed straight towards me. Could she see me? Perhaps she was talking to herself or someone behind, but there was no-one but me in this empty street of bright lights for it seemed the citizens had disappeared one by one as they passed by me.
"Its not good even for a wandering spirit like you to be still outside, you remind me of my children, so energetic and adventurous. I'm sure even my deceased child would be just as adventurous as you are." She lectured kindly, as she walked past me towards a narrow street.

My heart sunk.
It couldn't be...could it?
Was she my mother? Surely I would remember but it's fading. Without anymore questions I followed her down the narrow path towards a cottage with a slight angelic theme positioned on at the very end of the pathway.
"My, you must be fond of me to have followed me to my home. I suppose it's a blessing to have a gift of seeing spirits" She welcomed as she was sweeping the dust away from the pathway with a matted old straw broom.
"Please stay a while Little Spirit, you're more than welcome" She explained to me as she put the broom aside and dragged me inside. Something was strange, she has a gift for seeing ghosts like me but thinks of it as a blessing from God rather than the punishment of being haunted. She was kind and loving just like any mother would be, I had accepted the fact that she might be m mother-but I cannot remember her face clearly enough to say for sure if she truly was my mother.
"My, you do look miserable. Could you not show me your smile Little Spirit? I bet you look so much better with a smile or do you have a hard time smiling with strangers?" She said gently as she poured tea into flower-shaped cups and placed one in front of me. I couldn't drink it, so I didn't even look at it during our conversation.
"Would you like to call me, mother?" She asked as she stared at me from the other side of the table, smiling sweetly. I was stunned with silence by her offer as if she could read my very thoughts but I had no choice but to decline her offer of kindness;considering I've no time to be playing around with this crazy woman.
"Don't worry the other spirits will keep company, right my darlings?" as she spoke this three ghosts appeared behind her with chains around their wrists and cuts around their arms. I watched them look at me in pure silence as the woman smiled endlessly.
"These are my children, aren't they cute! Its so unfortunate that they disappeared so suddenly...but they loved me so much they didn't want to leave" She giggled as she looked at her children with curious eyes and smiled at them as they attempted to force a smile for her.
"Well I'll go make more tea now that the whole family is here" She said to us and she went into a small room next to a candle stand. The three spirits attempted to break their spirit chains but it was meaningless, for if the person who they left cannot move on they must stay.

"Get out of here! Are you stupid?" The first ghost yelled as she continued to break her chains.
"She's not our mother! Our real mother would never chain us up like this!" The second said attempting to push me away.
"She's horrible! Just get away while you can, before she captures you too!" the third whispered as she kept watch over the woman in the other room. The woman I saw was perhaps just a shadow of the mother I used to have and nothing more than that. As I tried to rise to my feet I notice the spirit chains had slowly traveled up my legs and bounded me to the ground. They tightly dug into my legs and gripped me tightly so I could move an inch, never mind escape to the doorway.
"Too late..." The third ghost said as she fell to her knees in disappointment only to be tightly wrapped up by the chains on her hands.

"What is this?"
"It's too late for you to react now you, stupid ghost."
"You were suppose to escape while you still could!"
"Now you're bounded to this crazy woman just like us! Forced to pretend to be something that she can't let go of"

They took turns yelling viciously at us until a crash silenced us. There she stood glaring at us from above as we knelt helplessly on the ground. Her eyes seemed in a blank state as she fell backwards onto the floor behind her. No-one but myself attempted to help her as she laid paralysed in the wreckage of shattered glass and tea leaves scattered around her lifeless body. She laid there with her blank eyes wide open and staring mindless at the ceiling whilst utter meaningless words.

"Take care of yourself-Do your best-I'll be waiting...here for you"

As she echoed these words endlessly the spirit chains disappeared slowly to allow only the minimum of movement for two of the ghosts to escape. The third struggled to break free from her chains and eventually gave up in the struggle then cried as she was left alone without her siblings. I decided to make my escape also as I carried the girl in my arms. But the woman gathered her remaining strength to support herself onto her knees as she burst in a flood of tears.
"Please! Don't take them away fro me! I don't want to...live without them" She begged as she stumbled towards us still on her knees. Though all of this was but a diversion to allow the spirit chains to travel up my legs once again chaining me tightly to the ground tighter than the last time. I allowed the girl to escape and I stay behind watching as the woman smiled at me and spoke in the gentle tone she had before.

"Welcome home..."



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Retromance
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Retromance
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  • [07/19/08 08:25pm]
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