When I think about you and all that we been through, my mind goes blank as if you were the last piece to my puzzle in a puzzle thats now incomplete. Its near the holidays and I can't help but think of how lonely it is without you. My heart aches for relief but no sounds, no touch and no taste of what was. I am now, just me and it hurts.

I remember waking up to your body next to mine, your arms around me and your eyes closed. All I wanted to do was love you for the rest of your life but now all I ever see is an empty silhouette from a life that was and I cry. I fall to my knees and cry because I can't see you anymore... why can't I see you?! Where has my one reason for living in this world gone?!

Do you not love me anymore?

Was I not good enough to be yours?

You showed me a life that only few could ever imagine living and I yearn for that once more. Can this sad lost soul be saved? You once told me,"That it was never how hard you tried to love someone but how much that person tried to love you back. It's only a fool's love to love someone and them not love you back... I can't imagine a world where love was just a word because.... I love you."

!!WHY CAN'T I SEE YOU!? MY LIFE RUINED BY MERE ACCIDENTS, TRAGEDIES, RUINED BY FATE!?

Is this what it is for me... is this as far as it goes? Can I not be whole again... will I ever stop crying?

Please.... say something.