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I've got my very first job on Gaia, in Nature's Wonders - I'm now a "color-only" colorist! Celebration is in order, HOORAY!

I'm taking a full load of courses at my second-attempt Master's program, and I'm in my second-to-last semester. I'm scared shitless about graduating and not finding either (ideally) a PhD program to enter or (failing that) a job that will keep me going until I do. My depression and family issues are getting in the way, so I'm behind on my coursework by a lot. I'm too scared to meet with my professors to discuss the situation, but the longer I wait, the worse it will be.

I'm also in sole charge of our oldest cat, Guinevere. She's sixteen now, and has been our family's cat since she was a very young rescue kitten. She's got thyroid and incontinence issues from time to time, so I have to keep her in a crate with her litterbox to make sure she uses it and give her medicine every day. She's a really sweet cat, but it's taking a lot out of me to give her a good life because nobody else seems to care if she lives or dies. In fact, my mom and stepdad want her put down for no reason besides her inconvenience. I am personally disgusted by that attitude, and for as long as this cat lives, I will take care of her.

I'm trying to bring structure to my life in small ways, and I think it's helping me some. I'm trying to clean out my room, getting rid of at least five pieces of clutter per day. I've been sweeping and dusting, and making my bed regularly. I'm also fasting, so I eat one full meal per day at the most and substitute the others with nutritional drinks or bars. I feel like this helps me focus on parts of my life that are more important than food, which I use to comfort myself rather than as nourishment.

Finally, I try to pray at least one rosary a day. I'm glad I'm Catholic, because this is a great way for me to deal with my anxiety. Concentrating on the repetitive prayers drives anxiety-causing thoughts from my mind, and replaces them with productive ones that I feel like I would never have come up with without divine assistance. I get answers to so many of my problems this way. Years ago I would have scoffed at myself for succumbing to religiousness, but at this point, if it works, I will do it and be grateful that it does.

Oh, and I've re-taken up my violin-playing. I don't have a lot of time to devote to it, but I try to play for half an hour a day, going over songs that I learned when I was much younger and trying to use them to express myself. I have a really great violin, so the sounds it makes are beautiful with little effort on my part. I'm just revisiting old Suzuki lessons at present, but I want to take this slowly and enjoy it. I want to work on my technique - especially bowing - and add expression to what I once thought was expressionless. People used to dance to this music, it used to bring them joy - these are things I want to incorporate into my playing that I never knew when I was younger.

Also, I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize of living on my own. After I graduate from my Master's program, I want to move out of my family home and have a place of my own. I want a kitchen full of things I like and use; I want a comfortable place to read and study; I want a place to plant my favorite flowers and tend to them; most of all, I want to feel comfortable in that place no matter where I am, because it is mine and I will be welcome in all of it. Now I hide in my third-story room, feeling like an intruder anywhere else. I hate this. I can't do what I want with my own belongings, and my seclusion is a reminder to me of the dysfunctionality of my family life. If and when I have a family, I want so many things to be different for them. I just worry that I won't know how to have a close, loving relationship with these people who don't even exist yet.

-9/4/2013

I was a featured avatar from last week until today~ It was a lot of fun, I hope I get to do it again sometime! I used the first outfit I put together with my Mini Angel Wings, which I was lucky enough to trade for on the 24th of August. I still can't believe I have them! But I had to use my AFK, Tunnu, and Sash in the offer, and I miss those items a lot. I'll have to quest for them back! And my Lovely Lucie, too. I also used my Princess of the World in the offer, but thankfully Gaia put them on sale in the CS so I could buy it (and errr maybe some extras) back without having to quest. This will be my second-ever AFK quest, and the first one I believe was completed in 2005. orz So wish me luck!

I've spent Labor Day weekend at AnimeFest, celebrating my bf's and my six-year anniversary. He's such a sweetheart, and I'm glad that we've had so much time together! I wouldn't say no to another six years, in fact! We've been having a blast, and I think I kind of wore him out. He's sleeping now and I'm snuggling with Pablo the 2+ foot alpaca plush. I had a pretty good haul this con, and Ernie was sweet enough to buy a nyancat cat toy (catnip-filled) for my 15-yo baby kitty Gwenivere (as much as I prefer to spell it Gwenhwyfar, my family objects) who all of a sudden has become much more playful even as it gets harder to take care of her. But yes, the haul!

-Pablo Picasso the giant Arpakasso
-Custom buttons with chibis of me and Ern on them (we get them every year, the girl who does them is amazing *^*)
-T-shirt with onigiri and "だれにしようかな？" that reminds me of my sensei who taught me both Japanese (while using that phrase to select the student shaking most violently in their seat to answer her question) and how to make onigiri.
-T-shirt that says I am SHER Locked, because, well, I am
-Espeon plush, purchased for Ernie to remind him I won our bet (that the pokemon was indeed not named "Vespeon" wink
-So much pocky and pastries and ramune that you'd be just sickened
-Rilakkuma and Korilakkuma hats that are really quite warm!
-Wall scrolls with awesome art of SAO and Magi

I think that might be it, but yeah~ I'll grow up sometime, I promise! A little.

But she's gone. gonk I must collect every item she made for Gaia, that hair and mod and detail work is incredible! List of items I'm fairly sure she made:

✔Little Lucie
✔Keiko's Cake
✔Sainte Ciel: Storge
✔Sainte Ciel: Agape
✔Runcible Spoon
Rosamond's Redemption
Rosamond's Revenge
Band of Bremen
✔Fantasy Kitten Star
Gremalkin
Harayama the Panda
Audio Starlet Blue Rei
Noble Nuptial Tea
Princess of Swords
Princess Manner
SDPlus Real S28 PRlSM
Thea the Unicorn
Ultra Satan
Petulant Enchanter
Valkyrian Dragoon of Lalune
Ostara the Ewenicorn (not really my style)
Butterfly's Lament (ditto)

If anyone knows of items I've missed, please post them here! biggrin

I'm not really sure why I decided to click the link that led me here. It's 2:13 AM for me and I got done doing a bunch of homework and now I think I'll go to the Ragnarok Online II beta and goof around some even though I just bought myself a bunch of Pokemon games and an amethyst necklace. I've been doing a lot of taking care of my mom lately because both of her wrists are broken, and I think maybe that had something to do with my drinking a bit too much (which for me is drinking anything lol) and deciding to write a journal entry. But if anyone is playing the RO II beta, my name is Sherlock and we should totally party!

I stayed up all night last night doing homework and now I have to do it again. I DON'T WANNA. So I'm procrastinating and being on Gaia, I really need to get motivated.