You know those water coolers you find in offices and reception areas, with the little cone shaped paper cups that small children always steal and crush into strange shapes? What I've never understood is why they always have two taps. Seriously, there's always a "BLUE" tap, and a "RED" tap. WHY?!

Now, some smart aleck manufacturer who can charge twice as much if he adds an extra tap may tell you that hot water comes out of the "RED" tap. But try it sometime. No matter how much you operate the "RED" tap, no matter if you take a thermometer and measure to the hundredth of a degree the water temperature, IT WILL BE EXACTLY THE SAME FROM BOTH TAPS.

Thus, I have concluded that the second tap on the water cooler is in fact an elaborate spy apparatus that strange beings from another dimension utilize in order to spy on our day-to-day lives from afar. It is the only logical assumption. So if you've ever drunk water out of the "RED" tap, beware. THERE'S ALIEN SPYWARE IN YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT.