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Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”
Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.
EMO kids have cool hair.
EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami
BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists
I read New Moon and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD.
I read Eclipse and wanted to smack Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD. Then Bella did it for me. “Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.”
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.
Why is Donkey Kong called “DONKEY” Kong if he’s a monkey?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...
No, I don’t have PMS. I just really hate you.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.
“Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You
guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it...”
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”
Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
Therapist = the/rapist... scary thought.
Don’t call me emo or I’ll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I’ll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.
To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.
Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Tell the truth and run.
Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored
Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.
If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
Set sail in a general that way direction.
It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?
I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Music is love in search of word.
Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?
Whose cruel idea was it for the words ‘lisp’ to have an‘s’ in it?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?
Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”
Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?
“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”
Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
The sun has set, the moon has risen, today’s the day we get out of prison!!
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.
He said I love you, I sneezed and said sorry I’m allergic to bullshit.
I’ll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.
You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!
Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don’t obsess! I think intensely.
Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
I’m so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
When I say LOL I’m not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
Stupid shiny Volvo owner.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”
“Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”
“Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.”
“I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”
“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”
“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
“A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying ‘Man, that was fun!’”
“If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.”
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because ‘They’ve seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.’ These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.”
Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!”
If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
If ya can’t join ‘em, bribe ‘em.
If ya can’t bribe ‘em, blackmail ‘em.
If ya can’t blackmail ‘em, kill ‘em.
If ya can’t kill ‘em, you’re screwed.
Unfortunately, you can’t die of a broken heart.
Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.
“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”
“If you know me, chances are you hate me.”
“I’m the kind of person your parents warned you about.”
“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will hurt my inner child”
“Don’t judge a book by its cover or a person by their scars”
“It’s not until you’re broken that you know what you’re made of.”
“Tired of living and scared of dying.”
“It requires MORE courage to suffer than to die.”
“You said that you would die for me, you must live for me too”.
“To die is nothing but a long goodbye.”
“This isn’t just goodbye, this is I can’t stand you.”
“I hear your silence loud and clear.”
“The past is only the future with the lights on.”
“Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a spork
 Evilmonkies1 · Wed Jul 15, 2009 @ 07:29pm · 0 Comments |
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