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Journal #42: Wow... My dreams really won't come true anymore
Growing up, I only had my mom to rely on; I never had, nor met a real father, and I always knew that there was something missing in my life. At school, I would always see my friends walk into class with their parents, both a mom and dad, and all I had was my mom. I was 4 when I realized I wanted a normal family, I was so hopeful; I was always excited about the next day, because everyday I'd be one step closer to having a dad.
When I was young, my mom always tried to find a good father figure for me, but they never seemed to like me, yet they were nice to me when my mom was around. So, like the father-figures they were, I used their examples, and retaliated with the same amount, if not more, attitude towards them. None of them lasted more than a month with me around.
It wasn't until 5 years ago, my mom met someone who would make my life a living hell. He would always complain about my attitude, and I would counter his argueement. Instead of shutting up like most other guys, he counterd my counters, without so much as a flinch. My mom later married him, and now after 5 years of torture, he had to leave for a few months, due to the careless governmental system screwing up his papers and his chance at a citizenship. I thought I'd be happier after he left, but I realized something; He tried. He tried for 5 years of his life to be my role-model. He never raised his voice, and he tried to talk to me about any of my problems, which is more than my real father has ever done for me.
All I ever wanted in life was a normal family. When I finally had it, I didn't seem to care for it, but when I lost it, I'm left crying inside, wondering why I'm not allowed to have a real family and actually keep it.
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