Dear Anonymous,
So, it's been two years since we last saw each other, huh? I don't even know if you've thought about it. As much as it bothers me to admit it, I have. Every single day of this month. You've been in my mind. Of course, you've flooded my thoughts for the past two years, but lately, all I can think about is that last time we saw each other and what happened.
I wish I had let you kiss me on that day two years ago. Maybe things would be a little different. Maybe not. But I was selfish then, and I've regretted my actions ever since. Would you have seen me again if I had just let you? I guess I'll never know my answer. I'm sorry.
I miss you. I wish you would know that. I want you to know that. Our last conversation is not something I'm proud of. I didn't want to end things. But I don't think you realize that. I did what I did, because I didn't know what else to do. I could never truly reach you, and I was pissed and tired. A complete emotional wreck. Everybody saw it but you. I wish you would've put down your work for one day, and maybe you would've seen it. Maybe I could've seen you.
Looking back at our conversations, I feel like I sound like such a b***h. I apologize if I came across that way to you. But you have to understand why I acted the way I did. You were always so overprotective and always wanted me to yourself. Then, whenever we did "talk" on the phone, you were always complaining about school and whatever horrible test you were studying for or whatever miserable project you were working on. You never said what I wanted-what I needed- to hear.
Even having said that, I can never hate you. I've been mad at you, yes. However, I still love you. I tell myself and others that I don't anymore, but I'm only lying. Like I said before, I didn't want to end things between us; it's what others wanted me to do. And they succeeded in convincing me into believing that's what I had to do in order to be "happy." But it didn't make me happy at all. I won't be until I see you again. I may have a heart beating in my chest, but I certainly don't feel it. I haven't felt it for awhile now. Because of you. You have it.
You know, it's been over 16 months since I sent that awful last text? Our "friends" ask me (whenever I do see them) why I'm still single every time we hang out. I always give them the same spill of excuses: "I'm too busy to be in a relationship," "I'm too anti-social to meet anybody new," "I don't know where to go to meet anybody," etc... All of these are true to some extent. However, I never tell them the real truth. Yes, I've had a few guys ask me out in the past 16 months, but I've turned them all down. I have my reasons for each of them, but the main reason is because they're not you.
Just know, if you were to talk to me again (I'll understand if you don't want to), I won't turn down the conversation. I won't ignore you like I did for some of your text messages (I apologize for those times, by the way. You can call me a horrible person as much as you want to.). I promise I'll be all ears. I strongly hope we see each other again. I love you.
Sincerely,
Sarah
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Random Thoughts from Sarahland
Hi, my name's Sarah, and if you're reading this, you must be bored and have nothing better to do. Or you're stalking me. O.O; I'm hoping it's not the latter...
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xH3al My Brok3n H3artx
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