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HEY YOU! DO YOU WANT TO FEEL SOOO ENERGETIC?! TRY POWERTHIRST! ENERGY FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED GRATUIDOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY! WITH ALL NEW FLAVORS LIKE SHOCKOLATE! CHOCOLATE ENERGY! ITS LIKE ADDING CHOCOLATE TO AN ELECTRICAL STORM! SOUND THE ALARMS! YOU'RE GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC! WHATS THAT? YOU WANT STRAWBERRY? WELL HOW ABOUT RAWBERRY?! MADE WITH LIGHTNING, REAL LIGHTNING! SPORTS! AAH! YOU'LL BE GOOD AT THEM! ITS AN ENERGY DRINK FOR MEN! MENERGY! THESE ARENT YOUR DADS PUNS, THESE ARE ENERGY PUNS! THEYRE TURBOPUNS! SCIENCE, ENERGY, SCIENCE, ENERGY, ELECTROLYTES, TURBOLYTES, POWERLYTES! MORE LYTES THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR! YOU'LL BE SO FAST MOTHER NATURE WILL BE LIKE "SLOW DOOOOOOWWWWNNNN" AND YOU'LL BE LIKE "NO!" AND KICK HER IN THE FACE WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! YOU'LL HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY, ENERGY! AAH! JUST RUNNING ALL THE TIME! POWER RUNNING POWER LIFTING POWER EATING POWER SLEEPING POWER DATING POWER LAUGHING POWER SPAWINING, BABIES! YOU'LL HAVE SO MANY BABIES! 400 BABIES! GIVE SHOCKOLATE TO YOUR BABIES AND THEY'LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS! MAKE YOUR BABIES RUN ABNORMALLY FAST! THEYLL RUN AS FAST AS KENYANS! PEOPLE WILL SEE THEM RUNNING AND THINK THEYRE KENYANS! THEYLL RACE AS FAST AS KENYANS, AGAINST ACTUAL KENYANS, AND IT'LL BE A TIE AND THEYLL GET DEPORTED BACK TO KENYA! SO GO WITH THE SURE THING, DONT GAMBLE ON YOUR ENERGY! SNAKE EYES! TRY POWERTHIRST, THE ENERGY DRINK THAT WILL MAKE YOU, AAH! SPORTS!
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