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Im dieing my soul has betrayed me; Turned it's back. My friends what Friends There are'nt any because I here in darkness alone I take out my box cutter I pull up they blade I sit in the corner regretting of how I let you come so close to my heart I thought I actually loved you but I was foolish To belive such things...I screamed Out "You leaved me You Told me You would never leave me" I cry then I said "You left like the others in the past present and future" I brought the blade to my wrist and my concious say dont do it.....I was in so much pain in my heart it was breaking in two no it was truely shattering. When I said I loved you that day I knew I was Over. I soon brought the knife closer and slowly cut through my bare skin I started to see some blood lightly come through then I did it once more on my arm then again and again I soon had more than 500 cuts or probably more my whole arm was bleeding and the sight of my own blood made me feel better as soon as I stood up without any bandages I heard the doorbell ring I opened the door and I see only people in black and someone saying is this the house of oceanblurose i replied yes and soon the speaker comes up to me and says "My love I missed you so" I instantly thought i-it's him the one who I thought was like the others but he's here solid human he was older than I and I didn''t care I knew I loved him i hugged him he saw my arm he pushed my away and said what happened why are you cut I didnt notice I had the box cutter still in my hand and soon I said faintly "You left me You told me you wouldn't you left me in darkness I loved you and yet you're here please tell me this love I call is real because if it not I wont bear nothing I will be a worthless shell..........." I passed out only hearing my name being called over and over only passing into loneliness of my orietented darkness waiting for me........
with the moonlight shining on me I try to reach up and and touch it
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Today: Am I Worthless
Today I woke up like any other day hopefully without any problems from no one and mostly thinking what am I going to do. I went into the shower for 20 minutes, and had gotten my clothes on I finally went out to the bus stop so I could be at the train sation to go to school. I was hit on by a guy who is way older then I am and soon as the 79 bus came I tried to pull out my metro-card but unfortunatly it wasn't there I had rushed back to my house trying to search for it. My mom was at home so I called she told me to look for it because she isn't taking me to school.(no gas) it was near 8am and still no find but my dad he came in saying why are you here mom told him and it seemed like the words he said were like he was calling me worthless. I wanted to say something but I felt it wasn't my place to talk back. I dealt with it, but what I wanted to say was 'If I'm so worthless and all then why the hell did you give birth to me!!!' but I didn't say it they gave me money to get on the bus and the train..... I sighed and I kept on telling myself why was i even born....am i worth living..... I wanted to ttalk to a consellor (sp) but I didn't t......I didnt want them in my business and calling people they shouldn't have.....The whole thing made me cry on the train asking myself why won't I just do here and now but then I stopped I wondered what if I did die would I even be missed. But then I said yes I would my friends and the only thing thats keeping me alive is my sister my friends and the person I want to get back at with my rage dispear and suicidal actributions. Speaking of which I took a quiz of how I would die which told me i am 100% in the cause of suicide which I believe when my friends saw it they said in a funny joke "we have to keep an eye on Jay"
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