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I'm pissed off right now, there's no use in denying that one. I have a right to be. I know you said I'm sorry John, I accepted your apology, but that doesn't mean I forgive you. I can accept that fact that you said you're sorry, but that doesn't take away what you said to me. You took a bad part of my life, and made even dirtier to me. I cannot express in words how it made me feel, since it is indescribable.
You wouldn't be too happy if I did the same thing to you.
I can't just shrug it off and be nice to you. I trusted you just as much as I trusted Raymond. Both of you took stabs at me. Lord knows what secrets of mine Raymond has told others by now. You can't just expect me to be all smiles.
Because I can't.
I have been told by several people to just put my ******** foot down and stop conceeding. I will not be controlled, and I will not let people get away with saying hurtful things. You just happen to be the first person to do something to me so I can actually start what I planned to do. And its also the fact that you've been acting like an a** the entire week, and leaving me to wait for 40 minutes without any explaination as to why. If you said you were upset, I would have just went back to school and have you not drive to the library in the first place. But I never got a damn thing, so I left anyway. I wasn't going to sit and wait. You couldn't expect me to.
I have my reasons for being upset, I will hold to those. Never once did I say I didn't want to be your friend. I said I was thinking about it, or I couldn't. I hadn't come to the final decision yet, and it so appears that you have. At least I didn't have to.
Goodluck with whatever comes your way, don't you dare tell anyone the stuff I have told you. If you do, I will not hold back. So at least hold your tongue and I shall hold mine.
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Well, besides that I have had a rather dull day after leaving Alexia's house. I washed three times before resorting to the bad things. I cried for two hours and sat outside sunning myself before the sun went down for at least 30 minutes while playing with a rolly poly.
I've also been listening to Rammstein for the last hour. I'm slowly starting to understand some of the lyrics without having to ask my dad, or look up partial translations.
As for my feelings for people. Yeah, they're growing, I do not like it since I do not know these people well enough. My feelings for one person have pretty much evaporated, I think I know enough of that person to realize that he isn't good for me. So that leaves three more...I'm not telling the other two. That is something I will hold close to until I know for sure.
My life is a never-ending soap opera. Its only on channel "si".
Hrmph... time for bed.
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