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Essays of Love (yeah, for you, love) |
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So, you want to know what love is, huh? Well, I can't exactly give you an accurate answer. You know what they say, love is different for everyone. Because, everyone is different. Even if two people, love the same person. It'll be for different reasons, in different ways, in different measures.. it's pretty amazing how this emotion works. So, the closest I can get to telling you.. would have to be, to tell you my love for a very special lady. Her name? Too beautiful for mortal eyes.. okay, I'm kidding, but, I can't lie, I love her name. Blen. It really fits her. She's so beautiful, in her dark skin, nappy ponytail, casual clothed, brown eyed, curvy and all around perfect body. Her voice? This is gonna' sound corny, but.. reminds me of angels.
Which, I'm so sure, she is one. Possibly God's best. I thank Him everyday for the gift of her, whether or not she is one. And, I know for sure, that I've been blessed. Her personality.. ? I can't even begin to tell you how sweet and caring she is. God, do I love her. She's so funny, and kind. Very well mannered, as well. Respectful, spunky, tough, edgy.. she's just awesome. I remember when she first came on to my door step, a job she applied for: being a writer's 'sweetie'. What's a sweetie, you ask? Basically, a writer's inspiration, personified. And, boy, does she fit that role well. Where do you think this is coming from, my a**s? I'm not that good, I can tell you that.
She fills me with so much energy. I feel like I can do anything. My life turned around. I could write again. I actually slept.. in 10 years, I have to say, I've only slept about.. 200 hours or so.. you know that's extremely unhealthy.. but when she came.. ? I slept with her (not in that way, everyone), and I swear.. it felt like I got all those hours I was missing. I actually got what I was missing in life. This emotion. Love. So much of it, just for her. I want to give it all to her, and more.. and luckily.. I can. Because that love? It just keeps growing and growing.. and I love that it does, just so much..
Happiness: an emotion in which the bearer feels their needs and wants have been satisfied, though, does not necessarily mean the bearer is content. And, is a part of the love process. Does Blen meets the requirements to making me happy? If I could tell you something other than, hell yes, I would, cause, that doesn't even do her justice. Whenever I'm with her, my lungs jump, not just my heart, my frikken' lungs. My chest feels like it's going to explode, and I love it, even though it hurts. I wish I could give her everything she wants.. seeing her happy makes me happy. Even if I didn't love her. She is my best friend, not only my true love.
When she asked me if I wanted her heart... I.. I felt like I died, and came back to life... I was.. so happy... so happy... I grabbed it and squeezed it desperately, I kissed and caressed that beautiful little thing that controls her emotion for me... it's just.. wow... She's pretty wow, herself... I mean, there isn't a day, I don't have a really fun conversation with her.
She once described our conversations, as 'the kind older married couples have. You know? Where anything can come up, and they can talk for hours, and always think of something to say, just cause they know each other so well.' Funny, I thought the exact same thing, and I loved it. I still do. It still feels like those kinds of conversations. She's just so fun to talk to.. I feel so bad.. I want to apologized to her whole being, while I apologize to mine.. I can't believe I traded this fun for a fantasy world with her..
I know, I'm an idiot. Luckily, I found it now. Am I glad? Glad.. is too gentle of a word... ecstatic, joyous, I just.. I just.. I love it so much. I love her so much. What would I do for her? You know how friends, when they take a bullet for you, and that's it.. you lose them? Well.. I'd do that.. but, I'd get back up.. I wouldn't let the pain kill me.. not yet, at least.. and take another, for her.. and get up again, and take another.. until I finally beat the crap out of that guy, or, finally, I just couldn't get up, anymore. And, I promise her.. I'd make sure to still get up, even after the guy is down, even after there's no more bullets.. cause, I know just how much it would hurt her, to lose me... I'm just so important to her.. I can't believe it, honestly, but, I do, at the same time.. she makes me believe it..
I trust her with more than just my life, I trust her with my breathing and blood circulation.. something the brain is supposed to handle.. something that is supposed to be done automatically.. it's just.. there's so much I could say about her. Give me and her an extra life time, God, please.. so I can at least tell her a quarter of the stuff I love about her.. I could go on for hours, writing anything. Hehe, my arm is going numb, even, now.. I don't feel like stopping. I don't want to. I wouldn't be able to.. I need to write this, for her... my love, my sweetie.. do you know I love you.. with more than my whole being.. that.. if were, some super being, who's love actually makes a visible aura around my body.. it would brighten the entire world with it's passionate colors.. do you know that, my love.. ? Did you know that same aura.. could illuminate the galaxy.. no.. the universe.. ? Did you.. ? I hope you do.. I really do.. I will not allow myself to die, without you knowing it...
.. crying. She has done it. She's makes me do it.. sad, happy, confused, outraged, scared, worried, desperate, shy.. almost every reason, she's given me something to cry about, when it comes to her. And I love every tear drop. I love every sting that pain has caused me. I love the amount of times she's made the gland on my eye react. I love the amount of times, that each and every single muscle of my mouth moved, to make me smile, frown, grin, speak.. they all feel so good, just cause they come from her.. she really knows how to make someone love her... am I the only person who's gotten this far with love for her.. is she... ?
.. yeah, she is.. she is that one. That one person who has killed me and brought me back. Realizing how much she wants me.. I'm surprised she wants me.. but, I've known.. still.. it surprises me.. might be my mind playing tricks on me, but I know one thing that's real. This love. Hehe, I would put on some Maroon 5 and sing and dance for ya', but, don't have that song here.. these words? Must be my songs to Jane, and, you must be my Jane.
Hey.. tell me, hon, tell me something you want, please.. I'll try my best to give you it... my very best. .. I love you. I want to tell her that just every waking moment of mine. I want to hold her, and tell her everything will always be fine. I'll always be there. And, gosh.. if.. there was anything I could do for her.. I would be happy.. I don't care if I'm her butler. I know she'll be nice to me. And, I know she'll consider me a friend. She already does. I don't care about the pain I'll get to see her with someone else. I don't.. I love her too much.. her happiness makes me too happy.. just too happy... Blaine, if you were here right now, I would be prostrating at your feet, kissing them, and asking you, what do you want the most, my love?
TonytheBloodPhoenix · Sat Jun 09, 2007 @ 09:13pm · 0 Comments |
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