Confessions of the Heart
We've been home for about a month now. It took awhile-getting use to the 3 am feedings. Luckily I'm not alone on this. Raziel, Branden, and Scott have been here helping me during all hours of the day. We've been taking turns and working shifts so we all got some sleep. Though we have it down packed now, the babies pretty much need feedings and diaper changes every 6-8 hours.
I just finished putting Chaos and Messiah down for the night. It was about 4:30am when I finally reached my room. I was startled to see Raziel sitting on my bed looking sad. I sat down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He took my hand then kissed it.
"Scott has been spending a lot of time with you… are you aware of his feelings toward you?" He asked with a bit of a quiver in his voice.
"Yes I've known for a few months now;" I said with a sigh.
"Do you love him?"
"…yes…."
"I'm very confused, then why have you opened yourself up to me if you love him?"
"You know it is possible to love more then one person…"
"…But you've made love to him haven't you?"
"…y-yes I have."
"Then why can't you make love to me…?" He asked as tears formed in his eyes.
"…………"
"It's because I tricked you isn't it? You love me but can't trust me?"
"I don't know… maybe…"
"Haven't you wanted to touch me? See what it feels like to kiss me with out fear?"
"I…I…"
"Don't hold back Priscilla, don't fight the urges. Give into your self, your wants and desires. We angels don't hold the same rules as you humans do. You can love us both freely. We've never denied ourselves of our wants till we came to earth. In Heaven, if you loved another and that angel loved you back then nothing would hold them back, even if there was another lover."
I couldn't look at him, what he said was true. I did harbor feelings of love and desire for him as well as Scott. I don't know if I could do this, I'm not use to this. The rules have always been that good girls stayed with one man but what if he said was true. Different realms had different rules. Scott new of my feelings for Raziel, we've even discussed how they've grown much stronger over time. The only thing Scott would say is that he loved me no matter what and that he'd always be here for me.
My tears started to become more fierce as I questioned my morals and the ways life has set for us. He noticed that he was loosing the battle with the human morals that have been imprinted since birth. So he did the only thing that he could think of that might have an impact on my decision. He gently touched the side of my face so I would turn to look at him. He gazed into my big amber eyes and smiled sweetly and warmly at me. I was consumed by the silver eyes, they were so innocent, and hurt. He drew closer to me and gently kissed my button lip ever so lightly. I closed my eyes and lingered there for a moment.
His lips were hot and moist. They were soft as satin and just as full of longing and wanting as his eyes. I melted into him as he kissed me again and brushed the tears from my cheeks. I couldn't pull away, I didn't want to, for the first time in my life I felt whole. Like something from my past that was wrongfully taken away was now returned.
Is this what he meant by loving me since the day he first held me? Is it possible that I've loved him since that day as well and didn't even know it. Can an infant fall in love while in heaven?
I put my hand up to his face… it was just as smooth and comforting as crushed velvet. He trembled as I touched him, I could feel him letting his guard down and to finally opening up his heat to me. It was amazing, I could feel all his emotions, the hurt and happiness of being with me. His restraint and desire to wanting to be able to just touch me. Could he feel my emotions too? I was starting to feel weak, all this bombardment of emotions was physically draining on me. I passed out in his arms.
I awoke to the sounds of whimpers coming through the baby monitor. Messiah was awake and ready for her breakfast bottle, Chaos should be stirring soon. They seemed quite in tune with each other. As I opened my eyes I realized that I wasn't alone. I was actually sleeping on Raziel. My body was between his legs, my head was on his chest, while my hands were around his waist. His arms were tightly wrapped around me. He looked so happy and peaceful sleeping.
I tried to get up without disturbing him but I knew that I wasn't able to avoid it. He shoot up and asked what was wrong. I told him that Messiah was awake and wanting to be fed. I pushed him back down and told him to go back to sleep. He kissed my hand and fell back to sleep rather easily.
As I was tending to the children I heard the doorbell. I answered it to find a frumpy looking Scott standing there. His hair was messy and his shirt was untucked. It looked like he had a restless sleep.
"Scott?" I asked while trying to burp Chaos and opening the door more for him to come in.
"He confessed to you didn't he?" He asked.
"Confessed? Well it was more like he knew that we were together."
"No I mean…uh…how do I put this, he opened his heart and made you feel his emotions."
"Um… yeah. How did you know?" I asked as I took a seat next to the baby swing with Messiah in it.
"I uh could feel it. Did he kiss you?"
"Yes and how is it that you could feel it."
"Because when I made love to you, you gained my mark which connects us mentally." He said not able to make eye contact.
"…and when were you planning on telling me this? So now I have both your mark as well as Raziel's?" I was growing angry.
"Well you see it just happens, it's not something I can control. In heaven if you make love to another angel you're bound for life. So… now that you know that Raziel and you have been bound since your very first meeting, will you leave me?" He quietly asks.
"…I know this sounds bad but Raziel said that I didn't have to choose, that I could… you know have you both. That in heaven angels weren't bound by the same morals and rules as humans." I felt so dirty saying that, but hey, if you can have both… why not?
Chaos finally burped so I put him in the other swing next to his sister. When I looked back at Scott he was all teary eyed. This didn't look good, did Raziel lie to me… As the tough swam through my head Scott pulled me into a passionate kiss. After a few minuets he hugged me.
"S-Scott…?"
"Oh I'm so glad… I didn't think you would have us both. Yes what he said was true," he said with a sigh of relief.
