Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It's been so long since I've written in a journal. I think I'm not any good at this sort of thing anymore.

Yes, the first entry In a few months is going to be a whiny one, So please bear with me.

I'm at the end of my wits. Been so busy that i've no time for friends or all the other recreational activites I used to enjoy so much. I can only get onto Gaia in those few spare minutes between journalism lectures, one going on right now that I'm paying no attention to. I swear the proffessor doesn't really care about what we learn and if we learn. His one fatal mistake is sticking us all in a comp lab. Most of the people in here don't pay attention. Why should they when they can hop onto the net to check out something of interest?

Anyhow, my dillema is that I feel that I have no one to turn to. I'm trying my hardest to be strong; trying my hardest to weather through this dark time alone, but it's just too hard. I know I only need to hang in there for just a little while; this time will be so short and over with before I know it. However, I feel that I was wrong in assuming that I was strong enough to withstand this period by myself. I don't want to admit it, but I need someone to help me though this. My fatal mistake is that I keep people away from myself in real life. I interact far more with people online, Gaia primarily, but when I haven't the time or opportunities to go online, I fear that I'll loose the friends I have here.

Having friends online has been a wonderful thing for me, but the one problem I have with that is that if you're not careful to maintain the friendships constantly, they can rapidly fade. Their only access to you is through the net medium and unless they have your number, there's nothing that they can do to reach you, so their only option at this point is to let you be, and if you come back, great, if not, then oh well.

Friendships for me have always been a frail thing. They're only temporary, and like vapors, they fade in an instant. A better analogy would be that for every friendship I forge, it's like pressing a button on a clock that begins a count down, and when the timer reaches 0, then the friendship is over.

There are few people here that I enjoy talking to, but I feel that time is running out.

I guess what I'm saying is that I feel isolation on both sides. In real life, there's hardly anyone I can turn to who I can trust. Online is not a means of escape anymore, for I feel so distant from those I thought cared for me.
I so desperately feel the need for comfort, but the way things are set up now, I have only myself to keep myself company.

It's a problem. Time passes by so slowly that this short trial has seemed to be stretched out ten fold.

I have to keep myself going somehow. Somehow I need to keep myself occupied for a little bit longer. Somehow I need to stay strong.

I need help.