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I'm tired of fighting. READ PLEASE, comment as well. |
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The title says it all, but brings up a healthy discussion. Why do we hurt the ones we love on purpose? Honestly? We do things delibrately knowing that we will, in fact, hurt our lover, or our siblings and parents, friends also. We swear we never want to hurt them but we do things purposely knowing that it will hurt them. Empty promises are among the greatest I will bring up. We make all these empty promises to ourselves and to everyone, then expect it to be okay when we break them. Is it ever really okay? Promises aren't meant to be broken, and I'm the type to up hold to them even if it hurts. What's the point in making promises if you're just going to lie to yourself. I hate this, I hate it so much.
I'm hollow inside, and when I lay next to my lover, all I feel is a pit growing inside me. He doesn't seem happy, all he does is lay there, inanimate, lost in his own world. I know what he's thinking about, I feel his every thought, I'm so intune with him, I know everything he feels and I feel it too. How can one person lose themself so quickly? His brother is going to have open heart surgery and he has a very high chance of not surviving it and it's thrown him spiralling into a deep depression. I know our love is too strong not to get through this. I love him more than anything on this earth. I've never felt the way I do with him with anyone, he makes me feel alive.
I have so much inside me right now, everything is overwhelming my mind and causing me to hallucinate immensely, have night mares every night, a sudden onset of insomnia, a loss of appetite, and horrible nausea. I wish I could talk about some of the horrible things that have happened in the passed couple months, but my sister and brother read this, and I'd rather not discuss it with them until later. I wish the insanity would stop, and I wish my mind wasn't so plagued with all of things. I guess I'm being punished for something, I guess I deserve all of the events that have cut into me. I hope one day I learn, or atleast find out what I'm doing wrong.
I realize this is long, I apologize. If you haven't figured it out, this is what me and my fiance have been fighting about for a while now and we didn't even know it. I hope and pray things will get better. Thank you for reading this and please, give me some advice.
 Bunn-eh · Mon Jun 25, 2007 @ 06:18am · 2 Comments |
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