A Genius
Do you want to be an azn gangsta? Having troubles fitting into you clique? Afraid of roaming the streets at night by yourself? Not even azn? Worry no more, for all you have to do is follow these simple steps and you will be truly thuggin it in no time.
Your dress code is a very important aspect of your gangstaness. The first thing you must do is get a pair of Tims (Timberland boots) that are 2 sizes too big. Unlace the top three holes and never tie your laces. Walk with your heel dragging on the floor to make an audible kicking sound every time you take a step. The women azn gangstas have an option of getting pink colored Tims, while the guys may choose either gray or black. The standard peach colors are acceptable for anyone.
For your pants, a stout pair of jeans are fine. Either blue or black, that is not too faded. But the important thing to remember is that they must hang down towards your middle buttocks region. The lower you go, the higher your gangstaness. More experienced gangstas have almost developed a second hip, to support this peculiar dress code.
Shirts are very important. You must remember to keep up with expensive brand names such as Ecko, or Sean John. Make sure you are very updated with this, because trends change, but this essay does not. Most shirts run up to as much as 35-40$, but such is the price of gangstaness.
An essential piece of your outfit is your Northface jacket. This is a brand that specializes in expensive, but high-quality outdoor attire. Buy a very expensive brand, but make sure it is unique in either design or color, because the last thing we need is a bunch of azns sportng the same black Gore-tex. Your run of the mill Northface jacket will set you back about 300-600$
Here are some more optional accessories you can have. A big chain, studs (diamond earrings/rings), Nike book bag, gelled hair. The latter is very important. If you really want to outdo it, buy some hair gel, and glob unhealthy amounts of it on. Then simply spike them up, and that helps a lot.
Language is also an essential part of your gangstaness. I won't really get into the cursing and swearing part because I'm sure you already know how to use obscene language; it comes natural to pretty much everyone.
You must have a new set of vocabulary. Use words like "hot" and "gangsta" to describe things you find appealing. Use words like "homo" and "whack" to describe unappreciable things. Other forms of Ebonics are also accepted. Make sure to mispronounce a word or two every few sentences. Try to slur your speech, but not too much, because then you just seem stupid. For more help on this subject, go to the nearest burger king and listen to the conversations of the azns outside. But make sure you don't stand like a herb (the H is NOT silent), which brings me to my next step.
(Note: if you want to be a Chynese gangsta, which is a subset of azn gangsta, you may use words like "dai lo" (boss/big brother)and "hing dai" (brother, or close friend))
Posture is probably the most difficult part of your azn gangstaness. If you can master this part, then you are a true azn gangsta. Hold your head up high when you walk or stand. Never ever sit or stand straight; always slouch (Surgeon generals warning: extensive slouching can cause serious back pains and various disorders. But hey, I never said being a gangsta was easy). When you walk, keep your feet apart, and strut, with ample shoulder movement. This part should be easy because with your pants so low, you would probably need to spread your feet anyway. When you see other people looking at you, whether it is just a little glance or a look of pure disgust, always grill them down. Stare back hard and have a mean look, intended to strike fear in their hearts. You would also probably want to keep your eyes closed, with just enough to peek out.
The last part of being an azn gangsta is proper use of the Internet. All gangstas have a screen name with Aol instant messenger. When creating your own, remember to add a lot of cool letters, like x and z. Your full name will NOT be sufficiently gangsta. Instead, decorate is with ornaments like "azn" and "i + your name or part of it" or "enyce". The latter may only be used if you are from New York City or are an advocate of it. The women also have a choice of "mui" or "babi". More experience gangstas also have a choice of adding smileys to their sns (screen names, for short). These include "xP" "xD" ";P" and "x3". If you notice closely, you'll realize that x3 is not actually a smiley, it is a heart. But that is also acceptable.
Another thing all gangsters have is a xanga. This is an online journal that others can read. Make it a daily habit to post complaints and rants about how your day sucked and you hate the world.
Your dress code is a very important aspect of your gangstaness. The first thing you must do is get a pair of Tims (Timberland boots) that are 2 sizes too big. Unlace the top three holes and never tie your laces. Walk with your heel dragging on the floor to make an audible kicking sound every time you take a step. The women azn gangstas have an option of getting pink colored Tims, while the guys may choose either gray or black. The standard peach colors are acceptable for anyone.
For your pants, a stout pair of jeans are fine. Either blue or black, that is not too faded. But the important thing to remember is that they must hang down towards your middle buttocks region. The lower you go, the higher your gangstaness. More experienced gangstas have almost developed a second hip, to support this peculiar dress code.
Shirts are very important. You must remember to keep up with expensive brand names such as Ecko, or Sean John. Make sure you are very updated with this, because trends change, but this essay does not. Most shirts run up to as much as 35-40$, but such is the price of gangstaness.
An essential piece of your outfit is your Northface jacket. This is a brand that specializes in expensive, but high-quality outdoor attire. Buy a very expensive brand, but make sure it is unique in either design or color, because the last thing we need is a bunch of azns sportng the same black Gore-tex. Your run of the mill Northface jacket will set you back about 300-600$
Here are some more optional accessories you can have. A big chain, studs (diamond earrings/rings), Nike book bag, gelled hair. The latter is very important. If you really want to outdo it, buy some hair gel, and glob unhealthy amounts of it on. Then simply spike them up, and that helps a lot.
Language is also an essential part of your gangstaness. I won't really get into the cursing and swearing part because I'm sure you already know how to use obscene language; it comes natural to pretty much everyone.
You must have a new set of vocabulary. Use words like "hot" and "gangsta" to describe things you find appealing. Use words like "homo" and "whack" to describe unappreciable things. Other forms of Ebonics are also accepted. Make sure to mispronounce a word or two every few sentences. Try to slur your speech, but not too much, because then you just seem stupid. For more help on this subject, go to the nearest burger king and listen to the conversations of the azns outside. But make sure you don't stand like a herb (the H is NOT silent), which brings me to my next step.
(Note: if you want to be a Chynese gangsta, which is a subset of azn gangsta, you may use words like "dai lo" (boss/big brother)and "hing dai" (brother, or close friend))
Posture is probably the most difficult part of your azn gangstaness. If you can master this part, then you are a true azn gangsta. Hold your head up high when you walk or stand. Never ever sit or stand straight; always slouch (Surgeon generals warning: extensive slouching can cause serious back pains and various disorders. But hey, I never said being a gangsta was easy). When you walk, keep your feet apart, and strut, with ample shoulder movement. This part should be easy because with your pants so low, you would probably need to spread your feet anyway. When you see other people looking at you, whether it is just a little glance or a look of pure disgust, always grill them down. Stare back hard and have a mean look, intended to strike fear in their hearts. You would also probably want to keep your eyes closed, with just enough to peek out.
The last part of being an azn gangsta is proper use of the Internet. All gangstas have a screen name with Aol instant messenger. When creating your own, remember to add a lot of cool letters, like x and z. Your full name will NOT be sufficiently gangsta. Instead, decorate is with ornaments like "azn" and "i + your name or part of it" or "enyce". The latter may only be used if you are from New York City or are an advocate of it. The women also have a choice of "mui" or "babi". More experience gangstas also have a choice of adding smileys to their sns (screen names, for short). These include "xP" "xD" ";P" and "x3". If you notice closely, you'll realize that x3 is not actually a smiley, it is a heart. But that is also acceptable.
Another thing all gangsters have is a xanga. This is an online journal that others can read. Make it a daily habit to post complaints and rants about how your day sucked and you hate the world.
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